


Another Weekend

by FrangipaniFlower



Series: The Recovery Series [4]
Category: Homeland
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Healing, Love, Recovery, Rehab, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:19:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6783124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrangipaniFlower/pseuds/FrangipaniFlower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to my fic "Weekend Visit". Quinn's still in rehab, but making progress. Carrie's and his relationship is established but the next weekend is gonna be a special one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Quinn's Monday

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Mothers' Day!

Carrie had just dropped him back at the clinic after another weekend they had spent together in her Virginia home. It had been their seventh weekend together, he kept track. He already missed her.

Twice, she'd come to the small harbour town with Frannie and they'd spent the Sunday with Jim and his family. Four times she'd come and taken him 'home'. Once, she'd come for the weekend without Frannie. 

And one weekend, he hadn't seen her at all, she had had to attend a conference in New York until Friday afternoon and had planned to come on Saturday but then Frannie had woken up in the middle of the night with a high fever and unbearable ear pain. Carrie had called him early morning, before dawn, crying from exhaustion after a sleepless night, and he had told her not to come, before she had a chance to say it. It felt less hard that way. Still, that weekend had been horrible. Lonely. Even Jim and his family hadn't been helpful, as much as they had tried.

Sometimes, he wondered if he was too needy, wanted too much of her. But she never gave the slightest indication, and so he just hoped they were doing okay. 

Weekends with Frannie were fun, he had grown attached to the little strawberry head. When she was at the B&B with Carrie, he scheduled swimming for himself on Saturday and Sunday mornings and took her along. He had learnt that from Jim who did it with his two youngest grandchildren nearly every weekend. No other patient was keen to do therapy on weekends so the pool was empty and they could splash around and she could jump and he could catch her. He didn't dare to get too adventurous with the little girl outside, fearing a sudden cramp or tremor while throwing or carrying her but in the water, with Frannie wearing a swimming belt, nothing worse as a few splashes of water in the face could happen. 

They had taken the first bus connecting the small town with the clinic, allowing Carrie to sleep a bit longer. She had joined them later, after swimming, or he and Frannie had taken the bus back, meeting Carrie by the harbour for fish and chips then.

Only thing wrong with weekends in the B&B, as much as he liked spending time with Frannie - she was around all the time and Carrie didn't risk more than a friendly peck when the kid was awake and not really much more when she was asleep in her extra bed next to their bed.

During the weekends at Carrie's place though, Frannie usually spent one night at Maggie's house. And then, one weekend they'd been alone in the B&B.

That had been the best weekend so far. 

He still wasn't cleared for 'stressful physical activities' as his case doctor put it in an ridiculous attempt to play casual but he had been improving, constantly. And they had been inventive. But sometimes he thought he couldn't stand the longing a single day longer.

It was an odd form of torture, being so close to her after all those years, but not being allowed to finally go those last few steps.

But, having so much time together and no clearance for the best pastime he could think of, had made them talk a lot. Usually during their weekends they spent the Frannie-free day in bed, snuggling, kissing, touching and talking. Talking more or less naked in bed was much easier as talking when all dressed, strange, but true. But it was the same for her, so it didn't matter, the serious talking in their relationship happened in bed, that was fine with both of them. 

Makes it a lot harder to start an argument, he thought, not that they already had had one, but they probably would have, sooner or later. And as long as she was naked then, she would not storm out of the door in no time.

The weekend she had been here without Frannie had been a bit different as they had had two Frannie-free days then. Which meant, they had been able to spent some time outside, a walk down the beach, and still had had enough time for snuggling. 

He had decided not to dignify going public as a big issue. People would recognize him, that was sure as fuck. And as long as Lockhart managed to keep media at bay, he could deal with it. Worst until now had been either quizzical or knowing glares, followed by some whispering. He had dealt with worse outcomes of the whole encounter, so this wouldn't kill him. Although he was not a fan of people probably posting his sightings on Facebook.

So when Carrie was in town they went out for dinner. Fish and chips when Frannie was around, a bit nicer when she wasn't.

That day with her had been special. Although the days at the eastern seaboard never got too hot and there was usually always a nice breeze, it had been a beautiful, sunny day. She'd arrived way after dinner on Friday, very tired, so they had settled to bed right away after she had picked him up and brought him to the B&B. They had slept in, followed by breakfast on the balcony, overviewing the harbour and then a stroll down the beach. She had looked beautiful, well-rested, very young in her jeans skirt, sneakers and white shirt, blond ponytail and shades. During that walk, for the first time he hadn't felt sick or disabled or handicapped, just...normal, a couple spending a weekend out of town, enjoying the sun and the breeze and the time together.

After a long walk, Carrie most of it barefooted, they had spent the afternoon in bed, putting his latest achievements under a real life stress test, as she called it. 

In the evening, he took her out for dinner.

He wasn't allowed to drink alcohol but he had made sure that Carrie had some wine that night, which actually had felt like their first real date. So she had been a bit tipsy when walking home around the inner harbour, leaning into him more than she usually would. She still treated him much more careful than he felt comfortable with, but that night it had felt right for the first time. He was not a longterm rehab-patient on leave but a man walking his date home.

And with her being tipsy and tired it had been easy to manoever her out, he just had had to wait until she drifted off into the first round of sleep after a bit caressing, kissing and sweet talk.

If anybody ever had predicted he'd plan for weeks how and when to make his girl come for the first time, he'd probably given the person a taste of his martial arts skills, or not even dignified that crap with a snort.

But this was his reality these days, one got humble here.

And, it had been worth it. He had decided it was time, he had been sick and tired with waiting. And just because he still hadn't been and still wasn't cleared, that didn't mean she couldn't go as long as he didn't get to excited about it. And that was just a question of willpower, focus and a systematic approach in therapy. The lower the resting pulse rate, the more room until the magic hundred. So, it was swimming, ergometer, treadmill, every day, he had time and motivation. Sadly, they didn't allow him to go for runs outside alone and Jim was no runner. But they did walks together.

Plus, he had changed his meds schedule for that weekend, no Tetrazepam, Carrie could help him with the exhausting cramps with her massages, and he had asked for pain killers which didn't dull him so much.

Unknowingly, his PT therapist had backed him here by saying he needed to lower his dose to make more progress and it was time to try a lower dose for longterm usage.

He had had one after breakfast and the night dose just had had to wait until...after...

So when she had curled on her left side, back and butt snuggled into him, all he had to do was to engulf her tight with one arm and then carefully manoever the other hand into her pj bottoms, dark blue silky shorts that day.

Whenever he'd tried to suggest something into that direction she had rejected, had said she would wait for him to be cleared but he had been done waiting, he had wanted to see and hear her come, finally.

So when his hand had been in her pants, he slowly had moved it between her legs, feeling the silky pubic hair (and not forgetting to breathe), holding her tight, spreading her labia with two fingers, searching for her most intimate opening.

She had inhaled sharply.

-Don't move, please don't move. Just let me do this for you.

-Quinn...

-I'll be careful, I promise, I just want you to...

-Quinn, we shouldn't...

-No, it's me who shouldn't, there's nothing wrong with you. So, please just let me...

He hadn't stopped the soft circling around her entrance and even if she still had been argueing, her quickly increasing wetness had bespoken how much she had wanted this too. 

-We said, we'd wait. I don't mind waiting.

-But I do. I can't wait any longer. Let me do this. Just come for me, just once. Come for me, in my arms, please.

-It's not right.

-It is right. Will speed up my recovery. At least I think so.

-You won't get a fit?

What a conversation while being about to have sex for the first time, he briefly thought. But that's how it was now, he couldn't blame her for being afraid.

-No, I won't. I promised to be careful. I'm fine. 

-Still, we should wait...and do it...together...

Her speech had already been slightly slurred and he knew she had folded. He had nuzzled her neck, nibbled her earlobe and taken his sweet time, just slow, gentle movements.

She had sighed sweetly and then had raised her upper leg and locked it around his calf, allowing him much better access.

He had softly finger-fucked her, initially with one finger, then with a carefully added second one, while whispering in her ear how much he loved her and wanted her.

It had been much different from the other first times he had had in his life, even if he hadn't counted the one night stands but just the few somehow meaningful relationships when he had been much younger. 

The best thing had been how she had completely let go of control, she had given herself to him, her body in his arms, opened up for him, eyes shut, the light of the lantern outside the building had shone through the curtains, he had seen her long lashes on her skin, not as pale as usual, she had a lovely tan these days, breathing at an increased clip, her mouth had been slightly open and she had moaned softly, her leg heavy around his.

And he still knew how to give a woman pleasure. And his fingers had done what he had wanted them to.

Slow movements back and forth, sometimes a flitting thumb over her clit, just elusive, he had been determined to make this last long.

He had held her in a tight embrace, pressed against his body, one night in the dark of her sleeping room she had told him she liked to feel his superiority, and just because he couldn't go too, there had been no reason not to let her feel his hardon against her butt. 

And after months of being at the receiving end of her loving care, he had enjoyed to turn the tables, and have her at his mercy. 

She had been patient, but in the end she had squirmed and writhed, had tried to move forward for more contact and friction and that had been when he had used his thumb to circle and stroke her center, not removing his fingers from her inside.

-Now, Carrie, now. Just come for me. I wanna see you.

And she had come. He had felt her clenching around his fingers, had heard her panting, had felt her body shivering. She had moaned his name and some very obscene things and it had been every bit as good as he had hoped for. He had dreamt about it several times since then, a very welcome change in comparison to his usual nighttime movies.

Afterwards he had turned her on her back, had slowly undressed her and had caressed and kissed every inch of her body. She had watched him through half-closed eyelids, one hand lazily in his hair whenever he had been close enough.

She had fallen asleep in his arms, naked for the first time, and he had lain awake for quite some time, just to enjoy being with her, before he finally had taken his meds. And had gotten rid of his boxers and shirt, just for reasons of fairness.

The next morning though, she had scolded that it hadn't been right but he had shut her up by kissing her. Still, she had made him promise to wait for the next time until he was ready too. Well, he was ready, but not cleared, that were two completely different pairs of shoes.

But this week he'd have another stress test and brain scan. He hadn't told her yet cause he wasn't sure about the outcome but the last one had been promising, showing a lot of improvement.

So they just had enjoyed a lazy weekend, park and playground with Frannie, Sunday lunch with her sister's family, whereas he had cooked Saturday night, followed by watching a movie snuggled up on the couch. Cooking in OT wasn't that bad anymore, now as he knew he could use it for good during the weekends.

Problem was even if he's cleared this week, next weekend she'll come here, with Frannie in tow. But he still had nearly five days to figure it out, somehow.


	2. Carrie's Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Carrie has no female friends, this is Maggie's role here.

Carrie's Tuesday

Carrie granted herself the luxury of a day off. Off work, off motherly duties, off driving to see Quinn, off doing household chores, just some time for herself, which was rare these days. She owed Dar for helping her to get to sneak out work whenever she needed to be with Quinn and the opening hours of Frannie's daycare didn't really allow to gather overtime-hours, but she was exhausted and desperatly needed some time for herself.

Her reaction the night Frannie had been sick had scared her, by 5am she had been a panicking, exhausted, chaotic mess, ready to fall asleep while sitting on the toilet, just because she was so tired.

Calling Quinn had both been consoling and horrible. Consoling, cause she knew he really cared for Frannie and hearing him say she'd be okay soon, she should take a deep breath, take her to a pediatrician and then nap with her, had helped her to regain some composure, and horrible cause she knew how lonely he was when she didn't come down for the weekends or picked him up to be at her place. And she understood, cause he lived in hospitals for more than a year now. Weekends with her were not just weekends together but the only break he had from being a patient, from being object of medical care and supervision, from being de-invidualized, cause that's what it is when you live in a clinical enviroment with all its rules and standards.

Like never being allowed to sleep in, cause morning rounds were at 7.30 and patients had to have breakfast before. The nurses then made the beds between 8.00 and 9.30 and then therapy sessions started. Nobody cared if he had had a bad night and was still tired, cause - and Carrie understood it - you can't run a clinic and taking each and every patient's personal biorhythm into account. 

But she wasn't running a clinic, she wanted him to be ok, and so those rules sometimes pissed her off. And leaving him there on a day where he should be with her and have a break from that had been hard.

She even felt bad now, to spend a day of her precious vacation days just for herself and not with him, but she wasn't doing him any good if she didn't take care of herself too.

So after she had dropped Frannie at daycare she returned home and went on a run, listening to some jazz. After a shower afterwards, she drove to town for a long overdue haircut, bought herself a new summer dress, v-neck, he liked v-neck, and then to Maggie's work to pick her sister up after her early shift to treat her with lunch. Frannie would go to a playdate with a friend right after kindergarden so she was in no rush at all, for the first time in weeks.

They were both relaxed, even having a glass of wine each, with their pasta dishes.

After catching up on everything related to her nieces, Carrie didn't see them often enough these days, Maggie switched topics after ordering desserts.

-When's Peter going to come home?

-I don't know. Two months ago, they said another three to four months, but he didn't say anything about that again. 

-What are they waiting for?

-More recovery time for his lungs, more therapy for regaining fine motor skills, more cardiac training...I don't really know exactly. He's not over-sharing with medical details.

-Did they ever ask him to set up an out patient-plan?

-What's that?

-Carrie, for someone who spent so much time in hospitals yourself...before you were allowed to come home, Dad and I had to discuss with them how we'd make sure your ongoing treatment back at home, like if there was a registered doctor you had appointments with  
and how we'd make sure you'd go to those appointments. In Peter's case that would include having a doctor knowing his medical history, scheduled therapy sessions, an in-home-enviroment suitable for his limitations, stuff like that. Cause from what I see, they don't do anything with him in the clinic which couldn't be done here too.

-How and who would decide that?

-In the end, he himself. As soon as he as a sufficient set-up at home, he can ask for transfer. Usually they do regular stress tests with patients like him, and of course for some of his problems there is just no expertise available, nobody knows about the long term effects of sarin exposure to that extend. But when the stress tests show improvement, he should be cleared to leave sooner or later.

Maggie had a lifelong history of reading her sister's face so it was not a real surprise when she gave Carrie a quizzical look.

-You two have been discussing him moving in with you and Fran, haven't you?

-Not really.

-Oh, Carrie...what means 'not really'?

-Not really. I thought it's kind of implied. But if I get you right you are basically saying he could leave the clinic if he wanted too...

-I'm not his doctor. But even if he's not there yet, it shouldn't be long. Why did you never speak about it?

-I...It's...

-Carrie, it's ok...I know you are exhausted...and you are doing great...no need to be ashamed or tearful now, ok? 

-I just don't want him to think he has to move in with me just because we are...or I was with him...

-Oh, sweetie, I don't think he ever would think so...from what I see I guess he wants to be with you. And I don't think, after all he's been through, he would deliberately wanna take it slow now. And, he'll still need some help.

-But he never mentioned being discharged anytime soon or what's then. And he never commented on the thingies I got, you know, those faucets. And I don't want to push him into...

-Ever considered he might be scared to ask? Cause he thinks he doesn't wanna push you? Or appear to needy? He knows you know him not having a handful of other options...

-But how could he think I would not want to live with him?

-Carrie, I don't know. All I know is you two should talk about this, soon. Cause it would be a shame if he had to stay there longer just because the two of you don't talk.

Carrie gave her a small, real smile. Maggie was proud of her sister. She had come so far over the last few years. And being so stable throughout a very stressful and worrisome year was a major achievement. And she was pretty sure Peter saw it exactly that way too. The man loved her sister, that was obvious. And had formed a lovely first bond with Frannie. The little girl was very clear about the time "when Peter comes home". Why her sister spoke with the child about it but not with him was not quite clear to her.

-What kind of limitations is he still dealing with? Maybe I could help you to find suitable therapists and discuss options...

She stopped dead, looking at her sister flushing. Cute dark pink. 

-I see...you haven't yet?

-No. 

Even deeper pink. 

-Nothing?

-Fuck, Maggie, I can't believe, I'm telling you...not nothing...he's...inventive...but not that...no.

Maggie ordered them two more glasses of wine with their chocolate cake, winking and smiling at Carrie.

-Let's take a taxi back home, we deserve some girls' fun. That's kind of romantic. True love waits.

Carrie surpressed a loud laugh, sometimes Maggie was just so unsuspecting.

-Well, I guess that's not the motto Quinn and I should go for. Frannie was not the virginal conception, just so you know.

-Yeah, but now. So you spent all those weekends together, with that damn attractive man who adores you, and you can't...that's nearly shakespearian tragic...

-Well, at least we stopped missing each other, so it's not that epic anymore. But - and you'll be dead if you ever comment on this ever again to anybody - it is hard.

-I bet he is.

-Maggie!

-Come on, Carrie, I saw him looking at you.

Maggie Mathison was enjoying this lunch date beyond words, because - although it had gotten much better over the years - she usually did not have that level of intimity and trust with her sister.

-How does he look at me?

-Like you were a piece of this divine chocolate cake and he's not sure whether to eat it now or keep it for later.

-So explicit?

She was still wearing that cute pink flush.

-No, more like...as if you light up his world...he always keeps eyecontact with you, even if he's talking with someone else, he'll search you every minute or so. Sometimes he looks at you like he's incredulous you are there and his.

-I made him wait a long time.

-But you were there when he needed you most.

They were silent for a while, digging their forks into the cake again, which was indeed divine.

-Maggie? 

-Uhm?

-I never had that in my life before. And when I saw him dying, I thought of all the royal fuck ups in my life this is going to be the one which will be my final undoing. But, I got him back.

-And now you'll make it his worthwhile...

-Among other things, yes. Although, I owe him, even when it comes to...that...I already owe him...

They giggled like school girls and Maggie asked for more wine and another piece of cake to share.

-So, going without Frannie that one weekend paid off?

-It did, it did...

-Don't answer if you don't want to, but how does waiting feel as an adult?

-What do you think? Fucking frustrating.

Maggie laughed at her sister's usual bluntness and impatience but was surprised as Carrie went on.

-But, kind of exciting, too. I never waited. Quite the opposite. You know that.

Maggie knew how hypersexuality had always been part of Carrie's bipolar condition, although they'd never discussed that particular effect on Carrie's life. She was surprised that Carrie was referring to it herself. Her face was very soft.

-It's different with him. I can't say, I don't mind waiting. But, as it's Quinn, I don't mind. Does that make any sense? It's not waiting, it's looking forward maybe? Gosh, I can't believe, I'm telling you.

This time it was Carrie's turn to order more wine.

-Honey, I think that happens when you are in love. Did they say, how long until?

-It's not that I'm asking him every day.

They both had to laugh at the thought, tipsy as they were now. 

-But I guess as soon as he's cleared I know, there's no fucking way he'll procrastinate.

-Oh Carrie, I bet, he wouldn't...

It was the most companiable and close afternoon they ever had, Maggie had even texted Bill to pick up Frannie so Carrie could just stay. It was nearly dinner time when they came home, tipsy and in the best mood. 

Carrie had decided to sleep over, Bill would help her to get her car in the morning and she was glad when her nieces begged to be allowed to bring Frannie to bed in their room.

She settled in the guestroom soon after dinner and called Quinn, hoping to catch him before nighttime meds. He sounded tired when he answered the phone but his voice still clear.

-Hey.

-Hey yourself. I miss you.

-Uhm, that's a nice start. How was your day?

-Good. I went for lunch with Maggie and we ran a bit wild on cake and wine.

She heard the smile in his voice when he anwered.

-Sounds like fun. I'm glad you had a good day.

-How was yours? 

-Not too bad. But, as much as I enjoy Jim's company, the food here is still atrocious and they serve an awful fruit tea...can't really beat the chardonnay the two of you probably had. 

-Sauvigon Blanc.

-Still better than thin red tea.

-True. 

-But Jim and I took the bus down to the harbour today, for a walk and coffee, that was good.

-I've been thinking.

-While drinking, after drinking or before drinking?

-Hear me out and guess. If I come down to see you tomorrow, are you allowed out for week nights? Cause Frannie's sleeping over anyway so I could stay and leave really early on Wednesday morning. If you are allowed to leave the clinic we could stay at the B&B together.

-Uhm, let me guess, while drinking? But, I'd like that. 

-Then deal. I'll text you when I leave Langley, ok?

He adjusted himself on his bed, tired and aching, he and Bill had had a long walk, but he enjoyed hearing her voice and didn't want her to finish right away.

-You know I'm looking forward seeing you, do you?

He loved the moment when her voice got soft, of course he had been intending it and he wasn't disappointed.

-I know. Me too. I should have thought about it sooner, gives me an extra night with you mid-week. Fuck, Quinn, I miss you.

-I was with you until yesterday.

-You are just trying to make me say it again.

-I am. Is that so bad?

-No, it's not. I fucking miss you.

She loved hearing him laugh.

-I'm glad to see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Carrie.

She would ask him to move in with her and Frannie, tomorrow she would. And, tomorrow she wouldn't have to sleep alone but would be in his arms. He had a way to make her feel loved and save like no other place or person in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Quinn's Tuesday, and more Jim.


	3. Quinn's Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jim is back.

They had scheduled his MRI for Tuesday and when it turned out they couldn't do it because the radiologist had called in sick he suddenly found himself with a day off. MRI days were therapy-free days because being in a narrow space wasn't bringing out the best of him. He doubted how that would ever change.

After some ergometer training he had been just about to settle with a book in the park when he had spotted Jim coming down the path from the pool building, who, as soon he had learnt Quinn had some free time, had suggested to get frisky and to skip lunch for a trip to the coffee shop.

There was a bus each way every hour and as soon as they had been down by the harbour with their americanos and chocolate chip cookies it had felt too good to go back right away. So they had decided to go for a walk instead, it was another beautiful day.

-I haven't seen Carrie for a while. Is she doing good? And the little ginger whirlwind?

-They're coming this weekend so you'll have plenty of time with them then. Frannie's already looking forward to swimming, she said.

-And Carrie?

-Hopefully looking forward not only to see you but me too.

Jim laughed, taking another sip from his coffee. They walked slowly, the slippery stones being a bit challenging especially for Jim.

-Boy, you know that girl is fond of you beyond words. So no need to pull a fake jelousy act here.

-I know, I know...although I sometimes still wonder why...

-So we are back to glowering. Hadn't that for a while now. What makes you so incredulous today? You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to.

-Dunno. It's just...well, fuck it...remember the weekend she didn't come?

-How could I not? was Jim's deadpanning answer but Quinn either didn't get the implied meaning or didn't want to get it.

-She had a life in Germany and...circumstances which in the end resulted in me seeing her again...and then you know the rest, the sarin, the hemorraghe, recovery. Bottomline is, she is doing it all alone for over a year now whereas I'm still stuck here and can't help her. She was so tired that day. And even if my stress test results are well enough this week, it's still gonna be a while until...

-Did you discuss the need of an out patient-plan with her yet?

-Fuck, no, of course not.

-Why not, Peter? Explain it to me like I'm four years old.

-Cause she'll insist on me moving in with her, without even discussing other options. 

-And that's such a bad thing? Living with Carrie?

-No.

-But? Prefer going back to lone wolf? I bet that oily turtle neck 'n tweet, you know the donut guy sometimes visiting you, probably would love that.

-No. Not back to that. But I don't want her to think she has to be with me just because I have no other place to go to.

-Uhm, so what's your plan?

-I don't have one. Maybe rent a place near her, so I'm close enough to walk over, and take it slow.

-Taking it slow really brought you far until now, didn't it?

-No, but...

-Wait, wait, let's stick with that chivalric scenario for a minute. So you'll make sure I'm not around when you tell her? And no plates, glasses and with you people I should probably mention no guns either? Boy, you really have balls...so, you gonna tell Carrie, after 12 months plus of rehab you'll move into a crappy place of your own, she could come over for dinner anytime she feels like and of course you'll volunteer for babysitting whenever she's short of one, ah, and it would be nice if she could clean the place once a week cause you have difficulties to hold the sponge and get into the corners...

-I could have someone doing this, she wouldn't have to.

-Dear Lord...you won't even get that far in your cheerful scenario projection. She's gonna be back to her car and on the highway faster than you manage to get your sorry ass out of your chair. If you're lucky. If not, she'll cry. And I take it, you're not very good at seeing her crying.

-No.

-So, doesn't work. What's next?

-What are we doing here?

-You were about to tell me, why you are not talking with the love of your life about coming home.

-Was I?

They were silent for a while. But, in the end, Quinn fold.

-It never was my home. In fact, I had no place like home a long time, comes with what I did, I guess. And Carrie is not a natural-born homemaker either. Or at least she was. Now she's good at it, actually. But she never said I could move there. Apparently she spoke with Frannie about it, at least the kid said some things, and she adjusted some stuff like faucets and she has a stove now with a touch display and no turning devices since I do the cooking when I'm there but she never...

-Well, did it occur to you that she might wanna give you some space? To make a decision? Because she knows you well enough to know you hate to feel needy? Or cause she fears your answer being something like, honey, I thought I'd rent a place near you, close enough to walk over...

-I don't call her 'honey'.

-That's not he point.

-I know. It's just...fuck, I think, I couldn't take a 'no'.

Jim didn't answer right away, cause he knew they finally had come to the gist of the matter.

-What makes you think she wouldn't wanna live with you?

-Dunno. She didn't want me for quite a while when I was in a much better shape. But it's not about her. It's about me. I know she's not bailing on me anymore but..fuck, I don't now...it's just, she never asked. And she knows all my medical stuff. She knows I can't live alone. I can't even always open a fucking container of juice.

-And you think she minds doing that for you?

-No. It's just...what can I offer her?

-The one uniteral question...listen, I know, you are not married yet, but I guess you've heard 'for better or for worse'? So, seems the two of you started with the worse, but that means, the best is yet to come. She chose you, at the bottom of that gas chamber she chose you, in that hospital in Germany she chose you, and ever since, whenever she's coming here or taking you home for a weekend. And for the question what can you do for her, I'd say, look at her when she leans into you. That girl has a face like an open book. 

-Don't tell her that. Makes her angry. Well, probably not if it's you saying it.

-Don't change topics. I raised four girls, I know each and every technique a youngster can bring on to sneak away or change topic. So, what makes you think, she wouldn't want the good times now, after she sticked with you through all those months? You think that's fair to her?

-No. So I get it, ok? I'll talk to her. Soon.

-So, when's your scan due now? And stress tests?

-Well, as soon as the radiologist has dealt with his hay fever, I guess.

-What are they checking with those stress tests? As far as I can see you're doing fine. Much better than most of us.

-Well, compared to what I was, I am a mess. But...I got used to it. And it's not that I am planning to need a gun at hand in my future life, so I'll figure it out, somehow...

-So, just general overall fitness?

-Kind of.

Jim gave him a quizzical look, then laughed out loud.

-So, they gave you 'the speech'?

-What kind of 'speech'?

-The 'you are not allowed to fuck you wife'-speech.

-You got it too?

-That's flattering, that you think I'm beyond that.

-Fuck, no, I just...

-You were just wallowing in self-pity and not considering other person's recovery journey, I get that. Just because I'm old, it's not that it's not important anymore. But don't worry, everybody gets it.

-How do you know?

-I talk to people.

-I talk to people, too. But surely not about their sex life. As a matter of fact, I fucking can't believe I'm discussing it with you.

-Human mankind is not made not be alone. We all strive for companionship. So, yes, I talk to people, we are all in the same boat here. But I get that you and Carrie, that's kind of a hard case.

You bet it is, Quinn thought, but didn't say it. He couldn't believe how the older man had made him talk about it at all, but enough was enough.

-So, this gorgeous woman is with you for over a year now and you weren't...

-Jim, no, no way, I'm not doing this.

-Well, but you sure were inventive.

-I said no, Jim, and I have a reputation to stick to my word.

-Did they make one of the interns break the news to you? It's kind of a dare for the youngsters I guess, having the awkward no sex talks with the patients.

-No, Jim, I won't say a word.

But in spite of the absurdity of the situation he had to smile. It was a welcome change to be with someone who had seen so much and still chose happiness and lightness.

Jim changed tactics.

-So in case you get cleared, maybe not the best week for it.

-No, Jim, not a single word. Why don't we get back to other cheerful topics?

-I just thought you might like considering where to put Frannie for the night...

He hadn't thought about it, that was true.

-I didn't even had my tests yet, let alone the results.

-Well, maybe Frannie likes to share a room with Isobel, Charlotte and Emma, I'm sure a mattrass more or less wouldn't make a difference. My girls will be here for the weekend too, they always set up a kids' room.  
Just saying...

-And I'm just saying Frannie might like that,without implying anything else.

-Good.

-Good. How do you feel about skipping dinner and going for fish? My turn.

-Great idea. And you can thank me later.

-That's thank you.

-I know, douchebag. Ah, it's a welcome change after four girls to raise a boy.

\----------------------

Carrie called him later that evening, a bit tipsy as it seemed. Cute. He liked hearing she finally spent a day just for herself.

They didn't talk about anything substantial, they never did on phone, old habits.

But she called every night, sometimes just to say good night, sometimes they spoke a bit longer.

And tonight when she suggested to spend Wednesday night with him he got an unexpected midweek-gift. 

Maybe he'd talk with her about the ominous out patient-planning tomorrow night.

Best part: She said she missed him. Twice.

Sometimes he was really a self-conscious moron, Jim was right.


	4. Wednesday - During the Day

Wednesday didn't start well. Carrie overslept and as she still had her car at the restaurant and no clothes at Maggie's it took her an awful long time to get ready and finally be on the drive up to daycare and Langley. Frannie was cranky and pouted when she told her she'd be sleeping over at Maggie's again, saying the wanted to see Peter too and asking for her bunny Hugo whom she'd left home assuming she'd be back after kindergarten.

Christ, why is this sometimes so hard, Carrie thought, trying to be patient. She knew Frannie had to sleep elsewhere too often. But Quinn needed her, too. And she needed him. And Frannie. It would be so much easier when they all were in one place.  
In the end, she promised to stop by at Maggie's after work and drop Hugo there. And to tell Peter not to forget about swimming this weekend. And to kiss Paddy. And to give Peter extra cuddlies.

\--------------

Quinn had no chance to oversleep, the morning shift did rounds as predictible as every morning, starting with the unwelcome surprise of telling him his scan was due today. He felt nauseous right away. MRI days were always bad days but today Carrie was coming. He briefly considered calling her and tell her not to come, but that would probably result in making her drive here right away, or her being sad. And he wanted to see her, spend the night with her. So he made a decision which quickly turned out to be not his most clever decision of the week. He'd been through worse and they couldn't coerce him to take the sedatives so he'd do the scan without. As far as he remembered the velcro-strapped him down anyway to restrain any movements.  
He would handle.

He did. Not well. But he did. Not much room for retreat anyway, restrained on a gurney in a radiology tube. So he made it through. At least he now knew exactly where in his fucked up brain Carrie lived cause they kept telling him to focus on his breathing and think about happy memories. Anterior cingulate cortex. Whereas his Amygdalae were home of panic and fear. And his motor cortex was housing his ongoing fine motor skills issues, but showing more activity than before. Which was good. But the rest of the morning hadn't been good at all, mainly due to the flashback he had fairly at the end of the scan. Amygdalae had been overreacting and messed it up.

They had given him some butisol to calm him down, he had agreed on it before the procedure as backup plan, as they had promised it would wear off within six hours. 

But still he slept most of the afternoon.

\---------------------

Carrie had no chance for a break as she needed to pay Dar a visit. More specific, another visit.

-Carrie. Sit. Tea? Sugar?

-I'm kind of in a rush.

-You always are. Try the British way. There is always time for a decent cup of tea.

He busied himself with his tea equipment, always brewing the leaves himself and not letting his secretary doing it. He didn't speak until they both sat.

-What do you need?

-Time, Dar, always time.

-What is it this time?

-I really would like to leave early today, to drive down there before the rush when everybody's trying to leave the city. And maybe an offsite-meeting tomorrow morning, so I can come in late?

-Carrie, you know I don't mind lying for you.

-Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting a moral crisis here.

-But you know people talk? Which doesn't bother me either.

-I know people talk. I know what they talk.

-So you don't mind people seeing me in the famous round dance of superiors falling for Crazy Carrie?

-Well, you know what they say, desperate times require desperate measures.

Dar snorted a laugh and sipped on his tea.

-Does he deserve it?

-That's not really a quesion, is it? 

-No. But I never get tired of your angry reaction. You know why I am helping you?

-Cause you like him, weirdly enough you still care.

-I might care, but that's not the reason. I don't help him - although I'd like to do that one day when he needs me - I want to help you. Cause you surprised me. And there are very few people who can say that about themselves.

-Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

-Well, let's say - it gives you what you fucking want. I call your boss and order you in for an offsite meeting starting at 3pm, does that help? Finishing only tomorrow at noon?

-Thank you, Dar.

-Well, he wouldn't be here anymore without you. I saw him last week. He's doing impressivly well.

-He is, he indeed is.

-Be proud, Carrie. Be proud. He's doing this for you. You should never forget that.

\-----------------------------------

When he woke up, late afternoon, as far as he could say from the position of the sun, strangely enough Jim sat in the comfy chair in his room.

-Fuck. This bad?

-No, not too bad. But I thought you might need some help to get up and ready by the time Carrie's gonna be here.

He leant back, briefly considering how he felt. A bit dizzy, hands aching, legs hurting, breathing ragged, well, prime shape. Maybe he should call Carrie and ask her not to come.

-Don't even think about it. And don't pout now, yes, you're face was readable like an open book. That is okay here, no spies around, no intelligence ambuscade to be expected anytime soon.

-And what do you call your teaming up with Carrie then?

-Alliance of friendly forces. Your own defense alliance. And now get your sorry ass out of that bed, you nearly slept all afternoon, you even missed the glop that was called mashed potatoes for lunch. I'd kept you some but I was afraid into what it might transform over the hours. But Carrie will bring sandwiches. 

-How do you know?

-I texted her and asked.

-You texted her?

-Yeah, well someone has to take care for you while she's gone.

It was really time that he got his shit together to be able to leave rehab soon.

-She said she's gonna be early today. She left work at 3 but needed a quick stop back home. You should expect her at 5.30.

-Since when are you my secretary?

-Stop being grumpy. Be grateful. It's 5 now. If I hadn't told you, you'd still be daydreaming in your cot by the time she gets here.

That was true. And he appreciated the effort Jim made. Without the elder man's help he wouldn't have been ready by the time Carrie arrived.

\---------------------------

Jim and Quinn sat outside in the late afternoon sun by the time she drove up to the clinic. She saw the wheelchair but didn't comment on it.

Jim gave her tight hug after she briefly had kissed Quinn hello. She was glad he called her earlier to tell her about the scan and the aftermath.

To Jim's delight she had not only brought sandwiches but coffee, brownies, cheese, italian fennel salami, olives and even a bottle of beer for Jim, carefully wrapped in a brown paper bag. 

-I love that girl. Coming here with a full gourmet picknick hamper and smuggling contrabande in. What did you do in another life to deserve her?

Quinn and Carrie just shared a sideglance and he squeezed her knee gently.

-I see, you're not sharing this knowledge. Makes you a gentleman, I guess.

They spent an hour together in the sun, sharing the impromptu meal, while Carrie told them about Frannie and her wish for swimming on Saturday.

When they were about to go towards her car she cast a glance to the wheelchair but Quinn's indignant expression told her better than to actually phrase the suggestion in spoken words. 

But his arm went around her shoulder and she felt him leaning onto her when they walked over to her car. She wrapped one arm around his waist and gave him a gentle squeeze, holding him as tight as she could. Sometimes she wondered if he'd ever really get comfortable to accept her help, or the fact to need help at all, but tonight he was not as agitated about it as on other days in the past. She didn't mind any of the small adjustments which made his way around so much easier, sometimes these days she caught herself to open the juice and milk containers and jars before putting them in the fridge even when he was not around. But she knew he still struggled.

They drove the few minutes in silence but she felt his hand, with a light tremor, on her thigh, instead of hiding it. She looked and him and he smiled, looking calm.

Down by the harbour she took her time to discard the empty containers of the food she'd brought along in a dumpster next to the harbour office, knowing he preferred getting out of the car on his own. He leaned against the car when she came back and she felt her heart jolting, as always when she hadn't seen him a few days. It was nothing short but a miracle how he had survived and if that meant she had to open his juice for the rest of her life and massage away his cramps at night - well, she considered it as a real bargain in comparison to what she got.

-Hey.

-Hey yourself. 

-Come here. Haven't said hello properly with Jim around.

He pulled her close and kissed her, a tender, lingering kiss. 

-I missed you. Frannie misses you.

-What can I say? She shares her mum's liking for crippled black ops. She's your girl. Miss her too, though.

She let the depreciating comment go uncommented, she didn't wanna fight tonight, and she'd heard the smile behind his words to soften what he said.

-Wanna go in right away? Or stay outside a bit longer?

-I'd like that. Closed spaces are not that great right now. 

-It's nice to be outside, come on.

They slowly walked over to a bench on top of the quay wall, facing the beach and the sea, where it was still sunny.

When they were settled she cuddled into his warmth, enjoying his proximity and scent, feeling his arm closing around her.

-You're not cold?

-No, I've got you. You're always warm.

-We learn that, you know? In Delta Force. It's called biofeedback. It gives you some control over the functions of the automatic nervous system. We learn to alter our heartbeat for instance, to be able to shoot between heartbeats, improves aiming for long distance shots. If you pull the trigger right at a heartbeat you might miss your target by up to a meter. Which is huge, life or death, usually. And we learn to put our body at rest, only to warm the parts which are in use or about to be used, like the trigger finger. Quite helpful in the desert. Nights are fricking cold there. But if you put your body at rest and just keep your mind sharp, you need far less energy. I was good at that. Obviously I kinda lost the heartbeat thing. But I still can willingly control my bodyheat and which parts to be warm and cozy. The cozy part was not intended in the training, I guess, but I know you like it warm, so that's quite useful. I train that when I can't sleep at night. Helps to calm down.

She cuddled deeper into his embrace. Somehow it was extremly comforting and kind of erotic at the same time, that he could do this willingly, for her.

-Your brain's not so fucked up after all.

-No, it isn't, apparently. 

-So that's why you are such a great shot?

-Was, Carrie, was. We had to have marksmanship for 100% accuracy, and yes, that's part of the package, how to do it.

-Did you use it when you shot me?

-I tried. But my heart didn't like to calm down that moment.

-That sucked?

-Yeah, it did. First time it ever failed me. But I'm glad I still did no greater harm.

He laughed softly.

-Do you miss it?

-Having to shoot you cause you pull a reckless stunt? No, I am glad that the biggest danger these days in your life is being the guinea pig to my cooking trials.

-No, that's not what I'm talking about.

-I know, Carrie. I'm only half a moron, remember? No, I don't miss it. I wanted out such a long time. And now I am out. But I guess, I still need to find a new place in life. Rehab won't go on forever, gladly. But I'm still struggling to find that place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently the biofeedback training is indeed part of being a Delta Force member. According to what Wikipedia says...I know, not a reliable source at all, but it fitted in so nicely I could not resist, and I found some other autobiographic resources in memories of ex-Delta Force soldiers.


	5. Wednesday Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gentle readers, I got some gentle teasing about the last chapter being too short. I know. But, Quinn had a lot of stuff he needs to tell Carrie here in this chapter, and I didn't want to interrupt him. So the last chapter was a bit shorter and in return this one has a bed in it.
> 
> Thanks for everybody who's taking the time to comment, it's your lovely feedbacks which make it so much fun to write.
> 
> The OTC is the operator training course, the book they are talking about is real, its name is Inside Delta Force. Fort Bragg is homebase of Delta Force.

It had been the perfect moment but her throat had been choked. 

Asking him to move in with her seemed so profane when he was contemplating his whole life and all that was lost now. So she had just taken his hand, tried to give a mute reassurance that she'd always be there but it had felt small compared to the realization that all what had defined him for more or less two decades had been taken away from him, back in Berlin.

They went inside soon afterwards. He slowly climbed the stairs to their first floor room while she got their bags from the car and signed with the owner, a former fisherman and his wife. By now they knew her and she always got the same room with the balcony facing the harbour. They were happy for Frannie coming back on Friday.

Quinn stood on the balcony when she came upstairs. She went behind him, embracing him from behind and nestling her face up against his broad back. It was so good to be with him, to get more of him on a week night.

-We can leave the balcony door open for the night.

-That might help. You won't be cold then?

-There are extra blankets in the closet. And, I have you. Per what you just told me, you can deliberatly heat the bed up.

He chuckled and the polysemy of her words hit her just then.

-You bet I can. If only you let me.

He turned around to face her, bending down in a lingering kiss.

He placed himself on the deckchair behind them, pulling her with him onto his lap.

-You ok?

-I am. Now.

-Why didn't you tell me? 

-Cause I didn't know. It was re-scheduled. They only told me last minute.

He knew what was going to happen now.

-Didn't they give you some meds to go through?

-No.

-Why not?

-Cause I didn't want them to.

She was this close to give him a hard time about it but then surprised him and herself by shutting her mouth and relaxing against the bulk of his chest again, snuggling into him. There was no need to get into an argument. He had refused the meds cause she was coming. He knew she wouldn't endorse it but it had been his choice. So why give him a hard time about it now, afterwards?

His hands wandering under her blouse, one on her back, the other one on front, trailing up to her ripcage, certainly did help to just drop the topic. He kissed her again, a bit deeper this time, tongue carefully asking for entrance which was gladly granted.

-It was awful, but I wanted to be with you tonight, awake, he murmurs against her lips.

Another kiss, still soft but she felt what lay beneath it.

-So I thought about you. About holding you. Being with you. Being alive to be with you. And now stop talking about that damn scan, I...

She knew if she wouldn't say it now she'd probably carried away soon by his kisses and what his warm, large hands were doing beneath her blouse and she didn't want to discuss it with Frannie around. Fuck, Maggie was right, she just had to say it. Now.

-There's something else I'd like to talk about.

There, she said it, no way back now. He sighed and let go of her lips. Kind of understandable but still sad, somehow.

-Carrie, what is it this time? Please tell me you didn't dig out my parents.

That was unexpected and deserved a detour.

-You have parents?

-Carrie...as far as I was told, everybody has biological parents, like them or not, and I am no exception.

-I know, but I mean, they are still alive?

She was sure his files said no next of kin. That was what had brought them here, in the end.

-I have no idea. Probably not.

That came out short and harsh. She knew he wouldn't be happy with the turn of events but as they were right in it now she just had to push through.

-What happened?

-You wouldn't agree if I'd suggest to save that cheerful walk down the memory lane for another day, would you?

-I would. But I'd really like for you to tell me. I...I think you should tell me, honestly...cause if we are what I hope we are, I should know stuff like that. Doesn't have to be tonight though.

-Carrie, there is nothing you cannot know. But those people don't matter. You need to know this. So alive or dead, there won't be a cheerful reunion. We won't search them. We won't contact them. Understood?

She nodded and he rearranged her on his lap, arms around her now.

-My mother was a mess. Not a bad person, but a mess. Drug and alcohol abuse. She had my brother when she was 16. I don't know who fathered him.

A brother. Holy fuck. 

-He was obviously gone by the time I came along. My brother was five then. We lived in a trailer park. And whenever she was out of money or the current guy did a runner we moved somewhere else. She was a beautiful woman. Or had been at some point. My so-called father was around for I guess until I was three. But he never lived with us, according to my brother. I went to eight schools until I was 13. She tried, she really tried. When she had some money she bought food and cooked and when she managed to be clean for a few weeks we made things normal people do. Picnic in the park, once we even went to the zoo. My brother was not the sharpest pencil in the box but a good kid, he helped me a lot when I was bullied around. I was smart, languages and mathematics came easy to me. That's not good when you are white trash, kids pick up weaknesses, or turn strenghts into weakness, and I was an easy target. Small, skinny, cheap, dirty clothes and good grades. She never was clean longer than a few weeks and then, with that, the next guy came along. Some were real shitheads, some had a good core but had lost it at some point. Some beat the crap out of her. She never allowed them to beat us, at least not as long she was sober enough to stand her ground, when one lost it, she threw herself in and took it all. When she was done in before things got agitated...yeah, well...you know those kind of stories...My brother enrolled with the army right out of highschool. The night before he left, he told me it's time to man up, he wouldn't come back. I joined JROTC then as soon as I was old enough. And had a great history teacher. Mr Quinn. A Vietnam veteran.

She managed to held her breathing even but had tears in her eyes. This was so unbearable sad. And yet she knew he was baring his soul to her. So she just sat still on his lap, listening to the tale how Peter Quinn became the man he was.

-He saw through my shabby clothes, my shyness and my more than unacceptable social behaviour. He gave me extra hours after school. History, Greek, Latin. He gave me tons of books to read. At school first and then, one day, he invited me over to his house, as the class rooms weren't heated during afterhours. His wife was home and scolded him how he could start extra hours without offering me something to drink first and made hot chocolate and offered me a huge piece of cake. 

His voice had gotten soft while speaking about the couple and she found herself washed away by a wave of gratitude she felt for those kind people, decades later.

-I guess when she saw me inhaling it she knew I had not eaten anything but PBJ sandwiches in like two weeks. From that day Mr Quinn always brought me a lunch box. And extra tuition was always at his house then. Mrs Quinn fed me with cake or dinner or both each day. My mother got pregnant again when I was nearly sixteen. Twin girls. She drank and smoked and god knows what else throughout her whole pregnancy. I barely saw her those months. I don't know which guy was fathering the bundles. She gave birth prematured at seven months. They babies were taken away from her right away, she had agreed for adoption. I think that was a good decision for the babies. She decided to move again, hunting the next best available shithead. Mr and Mrs Quinn decided to offer me to stay with them for my last year in high school, so I could finish school. It was his last year of teaching too. During that year, I finally had a growth spurt and filled out a bit. Mrs Quinn, Aunt Nancy was her name, was trying to fatten me up. She cooked delicious dinners every night, stews, meatloaf, corned beef, chicken soup. And there was always cake for dessert. She bake every day, saying I could use it. After dinner she brewed herbal tea for everybody and we discussed a book, one each week. Each Sunday I was allowed to pick a new one for the next week from their library.

Again she heard from his voice how fond he was about his saviours. Those were happy memories and she was so glad there had been joy, care and acceptance in his life.

\- I then enlisted for the army right out of school, so my college tuiton was covered. They moved to Florida that year. I saw them a couple of times down there. Their daughter lived there with her husband and kids. Mr Quinn, Uncle Joseph, died six years later, Aunt Nancy another four years later too. I still have twentysomething boxes of books in a storage, she said he wanted me to have them.

-And your brother?

-John? I saw him twice in Iraq. He was one of the 904 unlucky guys who fell in Iraq in 2007, god bless their souls.

-And you?

-Nothing spectacular. Joined the army, graduated from college, served in different wars and actually was good at it. I liked it. The purpose, the comradeship. I believed in it. I got the letter from Fort Bragg when I just had become seargent. I did the selection course, succeeded and did the OTC and became an operator.

-So Eric Haney's book, is it realistic?

-You read that? It is. Although it raised more than some eyebrows how much he revealed. Usually we keep our secrets. We don't wear uniform, no military hairstyles, even facial hair is allowed, cause we just blend in. We don't even exist officially. I guess you heard the popular quote of Delta Force members being the professional soldiers who hate the army?

-Why do I think you loved it? In the beginning?

-It was great years. I had found a place and I was good at what I did. The friendship, the sense of belonging, and serving for a greater good. I met Rob there. We did the OTC together.

-So according to what that book says about training, I wasn't the first colleague then you shot with sharp amunition.

-No, you weren't. The house of horrors is real. But you know I can't tell you more about that or my missions.

-So how did you meet Dar?

-What I can say is, I, we, did a lot of work with the CIA. Dar requested me and my men for several operations after we had been doing some difficult stuff together and so we grew to know and trust each other. I already told you the rest. Took me a while to learn that government ordered missions and killings are just another war, and nothing else. And often much more lonely. Back then, with the unit, it was the team which made everything bearable. But, all of that is history now. I can't do either of it anymore and I tend to tell myself that there must be reason for this. I wanted out and now I am. Out out. Not exactly the way I intended to, but at least out.

-And your mother?

-Tried to find her when John died but didn't succeed. So I guess she was done by then. Didn't surprise me. I never looked for the other half of my DNA. And we certainly won't start that now. And, before you even start to think about it, we are not looking for the twin girls.

-But...

-No, Carrie. Accept that. The Quinns and my brother are dead, that was the closest thing I ever had to a family except of my unit. I made the choices I made, and I bet Dar told you some other crap story, but this is who I am. 

-He did.

-Let me guess. A honeytrap variation? He loves those. But they are so cliché, but I think he doesn't get it. Sometimes I think he himself has a honeytrap history.

-You were hired at the age of 16 to seduce a potential asset in Hongkong.

-Female?

-Yes.

-Well, at least his imagination didn't run completely wild. 

-Quinn? 

-Yeah?

-Thank you for telling me.

-It's not that you ever asked before.

That was true and made her nearly cry, hidden against his chest. 

-But I want you to understand, there is nothing to make up for. I wasn't a victim, at least not of anything else but my own choices. And now I am at another crossroad. Not more, not less. And I am not alone. It's hard but I am not alone.

He embraced her shy of painful.

-Feels good, uhm?

-Fucking good, Carrie, you have no idea.

They were silent for a while, the waves of the ocean a constant relaxing sound. The evening was chilly now as the sun was gone.

-Come, let's lie down. I need to take my meds soon, I really need them tonight. But I want to be with you, a bit closer, as long as I'm still awake. How long can you stay?

-Long enough, no rush. Dar was supportive. Need to be at Langley at noon. We can have breakfast together and I drop you at the clinic then. When's your first appointment scheduled?

-9.30.

It was his stress test. But no need to mention. She'd find out soon enough when it would be positive. And he was pretty confident it would be positive.

It felt strangely normal to get ready for the night together. She wanted that every day and she was going to say it, now in bed. Again, she felt nervous.

He looked at her while she changed, already stretched out on the bed, too tired to help her, but extremely pleased to be allowed to watch. Quite often she slept in yoga-style pants and a top but she had some nice lingerie too, needless to mention which style he preferred. Today it was a blue chemise, spaghetti straps, hem at the mid of her thighs, cotton but some nice lace at the v-neck. He liked her choice. Jim would probably give him hell that he hadn't touched the question of moving in with her but he just felt they had covered enough ground for tonight. And the last bit of energy, well, he had an idea how to use that.

When she laid down next to him he instantly wrapped his arms around her, all that talking had made him tired but he needed her to be closer now. She snuggled herself close to him, bodies touching, arms around each other, faces just inches apart.

-Ten minutes until you take your meds, ok?

-Thirty, at least.

-Twenty.

-Forty.

-That's not how that goes.

-That, mimicking her serious tone by overstressing the word, can go very quick. Just let me have my way and...

As if his intentions weren't already clear, his hands slipped under the back of her nightdress, grazing the back of her panties and up her back.

She laughed but wouldn't give in.

-No, Quinn, just because this is the bed of your successful overpowering me when I was tipsy that doesn't mean, it's gonna happen again. At least not before...

-One can always dream, Carrie, one can always dream...you have no idea of much I want you, do you?

She had an idea, his eyes told her. And she was well aware of his erection pressing against her tummy.

-We waited for so long. Can't be forever now. I can wait. If that's what I have to do to be with you I can wait. And this is good too, isn't it?

And one of her hand went under the back of his shirt, drawing circles, while the other hand slipped into his boxers, where it was pressed on of his buttocks now, firm and warm. She stretched to kiss him. And she was right, this was good too.

He got more than the requested 40 minutes, much more. She even got rid of that chemise, fake reluctantly first but he had better arguments, one day he'd try if he could make her come just by sucking her nipples, he swore to himself. Those sounds, good god...

It was quite a while later, he really needed his meds soon but wanted her to go to sleep first, as usual. She laid sleepily on her side, upper arm across his chest. Sadly, back in her nightdress.

They hadn't switched on the lights, the lights around the harbour bassin cast a yellow light through the open balcony door.

-Quinn?

-Uhm?

-What you said down at the harbour?

-Carrie, I talked all night, for hours. Which part of my joyful past exactly?

-About finding a new place in life.

-Right.

-You have that place. If you want me, us. With Frannie and me. Actually I came here to ask you to move in with us when you are allowed to leave the clinic. If it's what you want. And we can take the rest from there. I...I'd really like you to say yes. But it's your decision. And I get it if it's too fast but I...

He couldn't talk. He just couldn't.

So he pulled her close instead and kissed her and hoped she'd get it. Apparantly she did get his answer being a 'yes' cause she kissed him back. She tasted some salty tears and was pretty sure it weren't hers.

It was a while after, he finally had just taken his pills after long lingering kisses speaking of their yearning, when he felt confident enough to talk about it. His voice was hoarse and very quiet.

-What made you ask today?

-I wanted it for quite some time, it feels just like the right thing, but you never said anything and then Maggie said you might be waiting for me to say something...while I was waiting for you to say something...

-Your sister's a saint, you know that, do you?

-I know. So, were you waiting? Why didn't you say something? I thought you noticed I was making some adjustments at home for you.

-Carrie, of course I noticed these. But...I can't...I couldn't...I wanted to ask but...if you'd said no...there never was a home for me. Not since I was 17.

Her arm went around him again.

-Hey, hey...I didn't say no. And we don't have to talk about it anymore. I just  
want you to come home. Soon, ok?

-Yeah. I'll need to plan...

-I know. Maggie told me all of this. And she offered to help. Find the right doctors and stuff. Just let me know what needs to be done, ok? Or talk to Maggie yourself if you want that.

They laid in sacred silence for a long time, the ocean still a faint, calming sound through the open door. There was no need to talk more for that night.


	6. Thursday Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's short. But meaningful.

She woke up at the middle of the night because she felt cold, finding the spot next to her empty. He was outside, sitting on the balcony, obviously focussing in his breathing. She followed him outside, slipping behind his chair and placing her hands on his shoulders, feeling tense muscles.

-You ok?

-Kind of.

-Bad dream?

-Needed some air. Was kind of expecting it to happen, to be honest.

She trailed her hand down his arm, hoping it would release the motor block like it usually did. Her sister said, Dopamin might help but they'd probably discuss this when it comes to discharge planning. 

-We can sit here for a while. Mind if I'm staying?

-No.

She slipped back inside to get a sweater and when she settled next to him, head on his shoulder, she took his right hand, slowly massaging his fingers.

-It might never stop, you know that, do you?

-I know. And I don't mind. But it already got so much better. Focus on what you already reached.

-You really want that? Me moving in with you and Frannie? There is no prognosis, I'm the only one ever...

-I know. And we'll figure it out. Step by step. I haven't asked you if you really want that, I still have my condition.

-That's out of question.

-See? That's out of question. Same applies for me. 

-Come here. Sit on my lap, will you?

They sat outside for about another hour until he felt confident to go inside again. There was no need to ask what his nightmare was about, she knew it, she found him and she still saw it in her dreams too. But he made it back to the other side of the glass.

So in an odd way it felt peaceful to sit there, together, hearing the waves at the quay, while the night was still dark.

She was about to climb back into the bed when he held her back, pulling her into a wordless embrace. All that pain and now all that longing. She could not deny him that, not tonight. So she stood still while he was slowly lifting her nightdress, his eyes on her body with so much want, it was nearly unbearable.

When he slipped his hand into the back of her panties, going round her buttocks, she shimmied them down herself, telling him silently he was allowed what he was asking for.

He softly pushed her back to the bed, wishing he could just be with her and make love to her, enter her and stay deep. Sometimes, in very dark moments he feared he'd forgotten how to fuck, it was not part of his training schedule of regaining abilities of daily life back, and how do you train that anyway, but it took him until this night to realize it didn't matter. It would be something he never did before anyway.

Because he wouldn't fuck her. He'd make love to her and that wasn't something which had been in his former life's repertoire at all. He'd fantasied about being with her for years and looking back now, some of the later mental movies, especially in Syria and that one night in Berlin, had been so dark and violent, they scared him now, speaking volumes about his mental state at that point. But those feelings and fantasies were long gone. What sticked was the categorical need to be with her.

And if it wouldn't be just a question of mere days now and if she'd not be gone in the morning but had a chance to stay and spent the day with him, he'd given a fuck on doctor's orders. Whereas now he would wait for the weekend to do what he really wanted to do. Being cleared or not. 

But he was allowed to explore, carress, kiss and please her now, all of her. Sucking her nipples, entering fingers, twisting them inside her, making her moan and sigh, tasting her, prolongating her climax to make it last longer, whispering in her ear, licking and kissing her everywhere, entering her with his tongue, his lips around her clit, thrusting and kissing and licking and feeling her body shiver and tremble when she went over the edge, calling out his name, feeling her clenching around his tongue and tasting her. He was allowed to hold her through her afterglow and to whisper in her ear what this meant to him, what she meant to him. This he could do. And for this night it was enough.

She drifted into sleep soon afterwards, whereas he wasn't tired at all, after having slept most of the previous day and the first half of the night. So he stayed awake, feeling a contentment he hadn't known before, while holding her tight.

\-------------------------------

He woke her up with coffee at six, knowing now she liked to start her days slowly without rush when she had the chance. They had showered, together, and had had breakfast in the early morning sun on the balcony. The car was already packed and now they sat on the bench with another cup of coffee, watching the waves and the last fisher boats returning, enjoying their last hour together.

-When did you read that Haines' book, you know "Inside Delta Force"?

She blushed, and he could eat her up.

-Uhm, maybe two weeks ago.

-Did you?

He aimed for casual, but noticed himself he didn't manage to keep amusement from colouring his voice. Of course she noticed it too.

-Don't be so smug.

-Why did you do that?

-I like to read. Literature is great. I have a degree in English Literature. Actually that's what I did for a living before I got hired to save the world and black ops asses. One ass in particular.

-And you earned degree worth credits here as well. And now answer my fucking question. Cause it's no literature, it's trash.

She was annoyed, he could see that.

-Ok, fucking ok. I wanted to know what else I have to prepare for, which miracle techniques you might master. I always figured you have a military background, cause one doesn't learn at Langley to build bombs and shoot like you and running an ops like a pro, while still being an active field ops. You had too many specialties for one career.

-When did you notice?

-Early. So when I became your superior in Islamabad I was really eager to read your file but it said nothing. Most read word there: 'classified'. But when you said you were Delta Force, the puzzle suddenly was solved. And, once a soldier becomes Delta Force his personnel file is removed from the Army. So there was nothing to transfer into your Langley files.

-Yes. Delta Force is only listed in the Department of Army Roster. Nothing you did before exists anymore, nobody can access the data. But why didn't you just ask?

-I just wanted to know, ok?

That pink cheeks were too cute. She hated when she was made, but he had fun. He pulled her close, using his hand to cup her chin and turn her head to face him.

-But you didn't watch Chuck Norris movies, did you?

She saw the corner of his eyes crinkling and softened. It didn't matter and he had fun.

-No. Wanna know why not? Your ass is cuter and your smile's more dashing.

He smiled down at her, suddenly finding himself wanting to say something meaningful, to explain the one last fucking unspoken remaining issue. Why did you leave?

-The day after your father's wake?

-Quinn, don't...please...

-Just one thing. It was Rob asking me to come. Not Dar.

She didn't say anything for a while and just when he thought she wouldn't she decided to speak.

-I can understand that. Now. Although it broke my heart, back then. I'm glad it was Rob. So it was kind of two decades of brotherhood, of preserving each other's lifes, going through hell and back, against me? 

Her voice was soft, without any accusation.

-No, not against you. Against fearing to be rejected from you. I thought I'd be back after some time. And I thought you'd be better off without me. After our phone call.

-I know. I read the letter.

-I know. But we never spoke about it.

She was silent for a while, holding his hand.

-Doesn't really matter anymore or does it?

He weighed her answer. But she was right. It didn't matter anymore.

They were beyond that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not long until the weekend...


	7. Friday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took a while...next chapter will follow soon, I promise.

He was cleared. Just like that.

For all kinds of physical activities he felt comfortable with, as the doctor put it, maybe not a marathon, but anything else. This time, it had been his real doctor, Dr. White, a fiftysomething woman who had been on his case since the day he'd arrived here.

Thursday had been a row of tests, he hadn't even had the time to tell Jim about moving in with Carrie and Frannie, and Friday after breakfast, she had called him into her office when he had just been getting ready for OT, Frannie had asked for another doll's bed for her birthday, because her dolls kept fighting about the bed.

He adored that little cute frown she always had when talking about serious stuff and as all doll related issues were very serious, he had promised her the bed and it was no big deal, he could start a mass production of those beds. In fact, since he was making things for Frannie in OT it was kind of fun. He had made her a small doll's wardrobe as well as a play kitchen, and they had glazed both items with non-toxic varnish, Frannie had picked the colours herself, and Carrie told him, Frannie was playing a lot with these. He had online ordered her little pots and pans and had been amazed by the variety of wooden veggies. There were even some with velcrostraps, so one could cut them in pieces and put them back together. Dar had been incredulous when he happened to see these during a visit, the whole arrangement on his bed waiting to be packed for a weekend with Carrie and Frannie, snarking that he was getting all domestic these days. But it had been kind of good-hearted teasing - and, the thing was, he had been right. 

So she'd get the second bed way before her birthday. He'd set it up in their room at the B&B tonight. As much as he enjoyed Frannie's little frown, even more he enjoyed making her smile or putting her tiny chubby arms around him for a quick hug.

Carrie sometimes mentioned with a laugh how Frannie was getting used to him spoiling her and that she could wrap him around her little fingers in no time - and she was right. And he couldn't care less. If that little curly strawberry-head was offering him a place in her heart he would be mad not to accept it and make her feel welcome in his own heart too, now as he had one. So the bed needed to be done by this afternoon. Always good to set achievable goals for a day, he had learnt that early here. Because otherwise days were just a sticky grey matter with no real beginning or end, and that was never good and usually made him ruminating.

Only problem about setting only smart goals (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely - god, how much he hated these, his shrink had lectured him like thousand times about these) was this: He'd been so determined not to think about his time after rehab, because until two days ago he had had no place to go to, that it was kind of a surprise now with Dr. White asking him about his outpatient plan. She didn't see any added value in more on side-therapy after another month and asked about his doctors and therapy settings at home.

And he had surprised himself by telling her that his partner's sister was a GP and would help him to find a suitable colleagues of hers to be in charge of further treatment and therapy.

-So you're not alone in this? That's good. 

-No, I'm with Carrie.

-I remember Carrie. She gave us all a pretty hard time when you arrived here and things were difficult for you in winter.

-Sounds like her.

But he couldn't hide the proud small smile.

-So how about we focus on adjusting the right medicamentation for your remaining motor skills issues in the following weeks, I'd like to do that while you are still in-patient, because side-effects of dopamin can be a little bit off-putting until we get the dosage right.

She must have seen something in his face at the mentioning of this as she had lightly touched his lower arm then before she had continued.

-Nothing compared to what you already endured. Mild nausea, drowsiness, sleepiness, elevated heartbeat in some cases. My biggest concern is the small risk of respiratory depression. Your lungs are still not fully recovered and in case you get any problems there I want you to be under close supervision. We'll start you on a very low dosage and see where that'll lead us. But I'm pretty sure your motor blocks will quickly disappear with that.

-That would be nice.

-So, it's a done deal. Four more weeks. We'll start the dopamin on Monday.

They talked for a while about further therapy for his lungs and right arm, chances for further recovery and the risks about what might not go away.

-But, Peter, most important thing, I've seen that many times, you must use the remaining weeks to think about what you'll do with your time when you are out here. Your days are pretty structured and full here. Back home, you'll probably have therapy appointments only two or three times a week. Which leaves a lot of time.

Why could they never let him be content with an achievement, not just for a single day?

-I know. And I'll think about it. Already thought about it, a lot. But it's still...an issue.

He had made his way to the wood workshop, best thing now would be just to finish the bed and not to think too closely about what he just had learnt. 

He was cleared. For all kinds of physical activities he wanted. And Carrie would be here tonight. Wednesday night was still very present in his mind. And now...better going back to concentrate on sawing and turnery, cutting his fingers wouldn't be that great.

So it was lunch when he finally met Jim for the first time since Wednesday, when they had sitten in the sun with Carrie.

They sat outside with their lunch, carrot stew today.

-How do they even manage to turn such a simple dish into grey glob? Gaw. But just imagine, this time tomorrow we'll sit down at the beach, BBQ with spareribs, coleslaw and corn. Patty said she started preparing the food last night already. You are still here this weekend, are you?

-I am. Carrie and Frannie will be coming tonight. So we'll see you at the beach tomorrow. Or at the pool early morning. Carrie said her sister and Frannie made cookies and a chocolate cake to bring along.

-Why do you look already now like a sated cat? It can't be this lunch.

Jim gave him a quizzical look, then his face lit up.

-Oh wait. Wednesday night. You've asked her. And she said yes.

Quinn couldn't surpress his smile.

-Not exactly. She asked me. And I said yes.

-I bet you did. That girl's amazing. So what made you choke on words so she had to do it?

-Let's just say she's better with words as I am.

He hadn't been aiming for polysemie but when he saw the glint in Jim's eyes he knew he had it coming. And he had grown to enjoy the good-hearted teasing with his friend. So he just leant back, enjoyed the sun and the man's company.

-So you've other specialities.

-Yeah, sawing and turnery. Among others. 

Jim laughed loudly.

-A jack of all trades.

-Actually, I just finished another bed for Frannie's dolls.

-Helpful to have the little one on your side. I call that bribery.

-Uhm, and that's why your little munchkins always are so eager to find out what toys you online ordered and hid in your wardrobe this week...

-Touché. So not long now I guess?

-Four more weeks. Starting dopamin on Monday. And setting up an out-patient-plan.

-So we'll leave together. Any plans then?

-Going to Italy with Carrie. In October. And then...I don't know...maybe just staying home a few months and helping Carrie with Frannie. The last months with all those commutes have been tough for her, so maybe it might be nice if she knows she does not have to hurry with her workday cause I'm home with Frannie. That would require relearn to drive though. And then, I don't know, I honestly don't know.

He listened to himself. He hadn't known about his plans before he heard himself talking about these. But as strange as it was, being home a few months to settle in didn't sound like a spectacular bad idea. And Italy if course. And then it was maybe time to consider the next career move. Dar had mentioned a few ideas. But he was not there yet.

-So how about you and your girls come over for Thanksgiving. Patty wouldn't allow me to let you slip out of her view, you know?

-Sounds like a great idea.

-So...about tomorrow...you've been with Dr. White in the morning...I assume we are still aiming to lure Frannie into a sleepover in the kids' room?

Quinn choked on the last spoon of his stew and Jim showed a conspiratorial smile. God, the man was driving him insane. But...well...the idea itself was still very appealing...

-No strings attached. But Frannie might like some adventure with her friends.

-Yeah, of course, Frannie, and only Frannie, might like some adventure.

-How about taking the bus to the harbour for coffee? I wanna be there when Carrie and Frannie arrive. My treat.

They took the four o'clock bus and Jim didn't comment on his friend's changed clothes. Track pants and t-shirt had been replaced by dark jeans and a navy button down, must have taken him quite a while to get through with the tiny buttons. Well, young love. When he started dating Patty, he always had a dianthus is in the buttonhole of his sunday jacket, fifty years ago. When had he stopped that?

-Do you know if there's a flower shop in the village?

-Yeah, the small dairy on the main road sells flowers. Why?

-Oh, I'll go there while you drop your belongings at the B&B. Seeing you all brushed up for dating your sweethearts made me think. 

They met for coffee a while later, after Quinn had put the bed in their room. Amazon had helped him to get a tiny cushion and a blanket and he had put Paddy into the bed, assuming Hugo would be delighted to see his furry friend...well, kind of...I'm really getting an old sappy bastard...

It was another beautiful summer afternoon so they took their drinks for a small walk, setting themselves the quest to find a good BBQ spot for tomorrow.

-Were successful at the dairy? The flowers? 

-Yeah. Could you do me a favor? And pick them up when you come for swimming tomorrow?

-Sure. 

-You could ask what I ordered and why. People like friendly concern, you know.

Quinn's apology was genuine.

-I'm sorry. I'm not good at this...friendship and sharing...being with people with lifes and a past...so, what did you choose?

-Red carnations. The flower of admiration. When I started dating Patty in the sixties I had one at my lapel's buttonhole every weekend. I always gave it to her when I walked her home at night. And I thought, maybe it's time to start that again. Although I ordered a whole bouquet. God knows how many Sundays we still have ahead of us, so I thought better not to skimp on flowers now.

-It must be nice. To have such a long history together.

-It is. Many happy memories. And some not so happy. After Vietnam...well, you know how it goes.

-I do. I do. But you pushed through it. Together. 

-And so will you and Carrie. You never told me how you met her. Obviously work. But how?

But how? That was a great question. And there was only one answer to it.

-Couple of years back. Nearly six now. We ended up in an operation together. She was with someone else, I was pretty much of a precocious dick but somehow she crawled under my skin from day one. And stayed there, ever since.

-Yeah, I know that. Patty worked at her parent's laundry in our road. One of those with the huge rotary irons. I brought in our sheets and table clothes every day, my old man gave me a full set of boxed ears when he learnt how much money I spent to get clean laundry re-cleaned. But after two weeks she allowed me to take her to a dance party on Sunday afternoon. Those were different times. But it didn't take me six years til first kiss. Only six weeks.

-Well, it didn't take me six years. Only two and a half.

-Whoa, that's what I call fast track.

But Jim swallowed the laugh when he saw the younger man's melancholic expression.

-What happened then?

-We fucked it up. And I heard a calling I couldn't resist. Back to war. Bad timing, co-incidences, fate, whatever. Maybe we just were not ready to happen back then. And next thing was Berlin. You know that story.

Yeah, somehow they had ended up on opposite sides of the glass of that fucking chamber. 

-But, as I once said, you started with the worse times, so the better ones are still ahead of you. You both took a slow burn. I assume, Frannie's father was part of the delay and is out of the picture now?

-He was not only part of the delay, he was part of how we met. And yes, he's out of the picture. He died. Frannie never met him.

-I thought so. A red-head probably...about six years ago...your girl is a remarkable person.

He figured it out, Quinn thought. Brody. But they just went on in companionable silence. Neither of them deepened the topic.

Soon after they found a nice even stretch of beach with plenty of rocks, pepples and dry driftwood to build a fireplace which they started to set up together.

When they were back at the harbour it was almost 6.30 and they spotted Frannie and Carrie sitting at the quay. Frannie saw them before Carrie did and jumped towards them, giggling with joy. Quinn bent down to receive her hug.

-Mummy said you might be for a walk. We just arrived. Mummy already put the bags upstairs. I was allowed to sit here all by myself, cause I'm a big girl. She said, we'll have fish and chips and that Isobel, Lottie and Emma are coming too and do we go swimming, Peter, tomorrow morning, yes please? I got a new swimsuit and it has turtles on it and...

-Sweet pea, take a deep breath, Quinn laughed and hugged the small bouncy ball once more, we'll do all of that but now let me say hello to your mum first.

-How about if you and your old Uncle Jim go check if there are some fishies in the harbour bassin?

-Yeah, good idea, mommy and Peter certainly wanna kiss. They always do that. That's boring.

And with that, she jumped down the few steps down from the quay and Quinn turned to Carrie who still sat on that bench, an amused smile on her face.

-Hey.

-Hey yourself.

-I don't find it boring at all, she smiled and got up to meet him in an embrace and kiss.

-I'm not complaining.

-She's been so excited to get here. Two hours, and all she spoke about was swimming, playing with the girls and seeing you.

-Well, I'm glad she's here. And I'm happy you are here.

She slightly leaned in, remembering being with him Wednesday night and blushed.

-Hey, what makes me think, I know exactly what you've just been thinking?

She smiled and her cheeks got even a bit more pink.

If only she knew. But he wouldn't tell her. Not before Frannie was slepping safe and sound in the girls' bedroom tomorrow night.

He kissed her once more, murmuring 'It's good to see you' against her lips, before they turned around and followed Bill and Frannie.

Carrie offered Jim a ride back to the clinic after a casual dinner and looked surprised when Quinn asked Frannie if she was ok with bedtime story with him. Somehow she had expected to take Frannie along but her daughter just smiled at Quinn from her chosen spot on Jim's lap, jumped up, took his hand and pulled him along. When she noticed he wasn't as fast as she, she adjusted her pace and they walked slowly towards the B&B. Carrie's heart made a jump.

-He really wants this, you know?

Carrie turned back to Jim who was just about to finish his beer.

-Me too, Jim, me too. You have no idea how much.

-You made him very happy by asking him to move in with you.

-Well, first, I made him wait for a couple of years. We have a history of bad timing. And second, I want him to be with me, us. He...let's just say, I tended to tell myself I don't need anyone for quite a while...and that was right...I don't need anyone, but I need and want him.

-You might need to tell him that every now and then.

-I will. And I guess, I am not alone with that.

She pointed with her chin to the far end of the pier, where Quinn and Frannie just took a turn towards the B&B, Frannie's hand still in his, the little girl looking up to him and chatting non-stop.

-She asked me every day how long it's til Friday.

-Well, I guess, the three of you will soon trying to form a family, so that's a good starting point, I'd say.

While Carrie drove Jim back to the clinic, Frannie and Quinn had reached their room, not without a cheerful reunion with Frannie and the owners. When they entered the room Frannie saw the bed at once and squeaked with delight, squeezing his hand.

-Oh, and there's Paddy.

-Yeah, he was hoping to see Hugo.

She tossed the contents of her bag on her bed, searching for the well loved bunny. Once she had found him, she put him in the small bed, just next to the bear.

-You sure you won't need him tonight?

-No, he can be with Paddy. He missed him. I'll put their bed next to mine so they can see me.

There was the little frown.

-What's up, honey?

-Won't you miss Paddy?

-Uhm, you know, I think he's happy to see Hugo and...

-Ah, you wanna to cuddle mommy anyway, right?

Oh my god, this kid. 

-That's true. But you always can join, you know, uhm?

-Yeah, but I'm a big girl.

But even big girls get tired and need some sleep, so he helped her to get ready for bed and read a story to her. He thought she had already drifted away when he heard her sleepy voice again.

-Peter, are you coming home soon?

-Yes, Frannie, not too long. 

-That's gonna be fun.

-I hope so, sweetie.

-You can keep Paddy as long as you want to.

And with that, she passed out.

Carrie was back a few minutes later, with a jar of icetea and three glasses, surprised to find Frannie asleep.

-No bedtime drama?

-No, not at all. PJ, teeth, two stories, some sweet talk about Hugo and Paddy, done.

-You can do that every night then when..., she looked at him, .... you come home.

-Let's sit outside for a while, uhm?

Once outside, he pulled her again on his lap to sit with him together on the deckchair.

-Still feel good about it? Me coming, he overstressed the word, 'home'.

-Very good. You?

-Yeah. I do. Apparently Frannie too. Which makes me glad.

-She is very fond of you.

-Although I still have difficulties to process that, I'm very glad.

-Oh, come on, you ensorcelled her.

-No, Carrie, it's the other way around, absolutely the other way around.

She had started to massage his right hand throughout their conversation and he had to admit once again, how good that felt, tension and the ever present underlying pain tappering off.

His left arm went around her shoulder, pulling her close in a tight embrace, placing a soft kiss below her earlobe.

-And she's clever. Figured I don't need Paddy tonight as I have you for snuggles.

His mouth trailed from her ear along her jaw to the corner of her mouth, he kissed her softly there, before covering her mouth with his.

A few minutes later he was this close to telling her about this morning's news but then decided against it. Frannie was with them and he could wait another 24 hours, enjoying his secret knowledge. Or maybe another week, in case Frannie wouldn't wanna sleep over in the girls' room the following night. Talking about a history of bad timing...after so many months it had to happen exactly during the weekend Frannie and Carrie were here. In case Frannie would want to stay with them...maybe just sneaking back to the B&B during the BBQ, faking the need for a nap midday...Carrie wouldn't let him go alone, that was sure as fuck, and Patty would offer to have an eye on Frannie...no, too seedy...there shouldn't be any rush or urgency...not after all that time...

She had been busy opening his buttons, silently admiring the fact that he had apparently been able to close them all by himself, but stopped halfway.

-You seem distracted. What is it? Frannie's asleep and even if not, she's seen Bill shirtless quite a few times.

God, there was really no way back to clandestine operations, his mind lost the ability to focus and he was like an open book for her. But there was another thing he hadn't told her yet.

-I called Julia this week.

-I know.

-How? Wait, she called you afterwards?

-She did. Don't get mad. Her husband's travelling this week so there was nobody else she could tell about it. And she needed someone to talk about it. Don't look so incredulous, not my fault that I'm suddenly having a fucking girlfriend. It's new for me too.

-What did she say?

-No. You tell me about your conversation, if you want to. Not the other way around.

-It was brief. She didn't have a heart-attack, thanks to you. It's not that's there's so much to say, after all those years. She agreed to meet me at some point. Why did she call you?

-To let me know. She said she doesn't want me to think she's doing it behind my back. I guess that's what people do. Wanna meet her here?

-In this room? Fuck, no.

She chuckled.

-No, in this town. While you are still in rehab.

-No. We haven't met since nearly five years ago so there's no rush. Listen, I saw the doctor today. They start me on Dopamin on Monday and in case that works well, it's just a few more weeks...

-...until you come home?

If he wasn't deluding himself, that sounded blitheful.

-Yeah. So I thought, maybe I could see your sister next weekend to start some planning? Although I have to warn you, the dopamin may have some side-effects in the beginning which might be funny.

-Quinn...this is home stretch...just a few more weeks...who cares about temporarily funny side effects? You'll live with a person who completely looses it when not on meds, so you can't be worse.

Her arms went around his neck and she kissed him, softly in the beginning, soon deepening. With Frannie just a few yards away, they both knew nothing else would and could happen that night, but they stayed outside for a while, kissing and caressing.

It was close to midnight when they finally snuggled in bed and he took his meds, and then pulled her close to hold her through the night in his arm.

-I'll sneak out with the little person tomorrow morning and you just sleep in, okay? We'll be back around eleven. 

She had looked tired, she never got enough rest. It was really time to leave the clinic and to stop being an extra task with all that driving it required to see him.

She was already deep asleep when he kissed her a last time for that night, enjoying to hold her small body pressed against his.

He heard the waves, Frannie muttered a few words in her sleep, Carrie's breathing was deep and even - and he felt a contentment he hadn't ever felt before.


	8. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to neverending story for her ongoing support with that story and especially this chapter.

Saturday started early, with Frannie crawling over him shortly after six o'clock. They got up, brushed their teeth, got dressed, had an early breakfast and slowly walked over to the dairy, to collect Jim's flowers. Quinn had managed to place a warm kiss on Carrie's mouth and another one on her shoulder while Frannie used the toilet and hoped she might drift back into deeper sleep for another few hours.

Frannie chatted happily all the way, apparently well rested, and was very excited about the day ahead of them.

So was he.

And it was a beautiful day. 

They met Jim and his family right after frolicking around in the pool for about an hour. 

Frannie was very proud about her turtles swimsuit, apparently Carrie had watched a documentary about turtles with her because she knew about turtles being reptiles and laying eggs. And how old turtles could get. The documentary had featured a turtle who was 62 years old.

-It's not like Ninja Turtles, you know?

Again that little frown and a quizzical head tilt. He had seen that before. And it never got old. Not the grown up version and certainly not the miniature one.

-I thought so. What's different though?

-Well, they don't wear eyemasks, they don't jump and there are no superhero skills. Mum said real superheroes are rare. 

-Are they?

-Yes. But they can talk. Not English. Turtle-ish. They call each other under water. They can't live without their shells.

-Interesting. Maybe we can go and visit some turtles at the zoo next weekend?

She jumped back into the water, right into his arms, with a loud splash.

-Yes, please, I wanna do that, please.

Jim's visititors' party for this weekend consisted of Patty, two of his daughters and their husbands and four grandchildren. Compared to the amount of people they were when all daughters, sons in law and grandchildren were around, this was a relatively small group. Patty had been alone in her car so there was enough space available for Frannie and him to drive back to town with her and Jim, but not without cheerful hellos and hugs first.

Frannie was surrounded by the four girls, all somewhere between three and eight years. Lottie, the eight year old, took over immediatly, asking Frannie if she was up for a sleepover in the kids' room.

-We'll put all mattrasses to the floor and then we'll watch Frozen and granny said she'll make us popcorn and then we'll talk all night.

Hopefully not, Quinn thought. 

Frannie jumped around his legs, utterly excited at the prospect of a slumber party, for the first time not at her aunt's house but really away from home.

-Peter, please. I wanna do that. Can you ask mummy? She never says no when you ask.

Clever girl. He caught a glance from Jim's mischieviously glinting eyes and mouthed a silent 'Thank you'.

They met Carrie at the quay, she sat in the sun with a cup of coffee, the box with the cake and cookies next to her. It was a rare occasion, to arrive somewhere where she already was, usually she was the one picking him up whereas he was the one waiting for her, so he found himself enjoying being able to watch her for a few moments before she noticed them.

She was wearing a new dress, summery, light blue, small v-neck, bare arms, and her hair was in a loose up-do, her feet in white canvas shoes, no socks. He was waiting for the moment when she turned, her instincts would tell her she was being watched and right, her back and shoulders straightened and she turned. And the moment she started smiling because she saw them was the best moment of the day, at least so far.

She came down from the quay to meet them, hugs and chatter everywhere, and soon they were on their way down to the choosen spot at the beach for their extended picnic lunch. Jim's daughters and sons in law carried several large boxes with all the supplies, the five girls were playing tag, Jim and Patty had fallen behind as Quinn had handed the flower bouquet to Jim when they had arrived at the harbour's parking lot.

His arm was around Carrie's shoulder and she held him tight around his waist. Probably not only for amorous reasons but to support his walk as well but he liked deluding himself here.

-What was that about? The flowers?

-When they were dating in the sixties, he gave her one of those every Sunday, after the dance party. 

-That is sappy as fuck. But very sweet too. Must be nice, to have a lifetime of memories together and then looking back, millions of grandchildren around.

-You want that? 

-What? Carnations? Golden wedding anniversary? Or millions of grandchildren?

-Don't know. Which one would you prefer?

-Certainly not carnations. Maybe denture cleaner instead, given the fact you'd be 90 and I'd be 87 in fifty years from today. As for grandchildren, I sometimes find one child overwhelming. 

She laughed while talking. But her words were starting a train of thought he hadn't known before. There were still so many things he didn't know about her. And he was eager to learn those things. But she was right, one never new how long "a lifetime of memories" might be.

-But, in case you were wondering, my favourite flowers are peonies. And I like dahlias.

-I was talking about a lifetime of memories.

She slowed down and made him stop and stand still in doing so. When he stopped and turned towards her, she wound her arms around his neck and got on her tiptoes to kiss him.

-I want that. Very much. And just so you know: Those last few months gave me a lot more happy moments to memorize than a lot of the years before. So don't you ever thing it's not enough or a burden or whatever. Quite the opposite. It's more than I ever dared to dream of, more than I ever dared to hope for. When I drive down here my tummy is brimming because I'm so happy to see you. You, Quinn, you. Because I love you. You know that, do you?

He knew it, at least most of the days. But it was still good to hear it. So he pulled her close, nodded and kissed her once more.

It was indeed a twisted miracle, how she hadn't wanted him back then and now, through all those months of misery, had stayed with him.

Had been there.

Had made him feel again.

Had made him love.

Loved him.

Somehow over the last few weeks he had grown much more confident about his future as ever before. And however frustrating living in clinics for more than a year might have been - for the first time ever he had a life which deserved that name. With her. And Frannie. When he had told her to see Frannie as a gift, all those years back in a Langley parking lot, he had never dared to hope for being a family one day, Frannie being a gift for himself as well, but somehow it had happened, they'd live together soon.

 

They had the best of all days. Sun, laughter, gorgeous food, tons of it actually, Patty had cooked up a storm and they all indulged the delicious meal and the fun and friendship.

The girls even went into the water although it was freezing chilly and Carrie tugged the hem of her dress in her undies to make it shorter, so she could went in up to her thighs to supervise Frannie and little Isobel.

Quinn couldn't help it but casted a long glance towards the suddenly revealed soft skin of her thighs, admiring the view, quickly lowering his gaze when Carrie turned around and smiled at him.

As Frannie was cold and had blue lips afterwards, Quinn enveloped her in a tight embrace in her towel to warm her up again and she fell asleep on his lap. Jim had watched the scene from the other side of the fire and came around to sit next to them, gently stroking over Frannie's tousled hair.

-It's good that she's napping now, given what the girls are planning for tonight.

-Uhm, what are they planning?

Certainly Jim had planned that, Quinn thought.

-Oh, she didn't tell you yet? Too much distraction, I guess. Or no, she asked our friend Peter here to be her partner in crime as she was afraid you might say no.

Thank you, Jim, he thought, I'll make you pay, the day will come...

-Uhm, no big deal, she wants to sleep in the girls' room with the four other girls tonight, they wanna watch a movie and eat popcorn.

-Why not? I bet she'll love it. Her cousins are always lovely with her but she never had a sleep over at a friend's house. I sometimes thought I should make more friends of the same age for her. But with the move and...well, the after...so she'll have fun.

Quinn couldn't surpress the smile, hiding it behind Frannie. He should tell her that Frannie wasn't the only one going to have fun tonight. But, he kind of enjoyed his secret knowledge.

Frannie woke up half an hour later, all smiles and happy when Carrie told her she was allowed to be with her friends for the night.

 

They slowly went back to the B&B in the early evening, happy and exhausted in a way only a day at the beach makes one feel. Quinn never had spent lots of time at the sea and certainly not as past-time, and his assignments somehow had been mostly some desert shitholes, so this was new to him. But he liked it, and could understand why people found the ocean was calming them down and lifting their spirits.

They had eaten all day and just before they left the beach they had finished the chocolate cake so there was no reason to ask if anybody was up for dinner as they were all suffering from carbohydrate overload.

Carrie gave Frannie a quick shower to wash off the sand and then Quinn helped her to settle in the girls' impromptu dorm. She took Hugo and Paddy along, not without asking if he was okay with that.

No, he wouldn't need a teddy bear tonight. He had other plans, he silently mused.

He helped Frannie to count the doors to their room and they agreed on waking up Lottie in case Frannie should need any help at night. Lottie would help her then to find the way to their room or would come and get them. Well, hopefully not, he thought.

While Quinn was away with Frannie, Carrie had started to fill the bathtub, smiling at the memory of her last bath, the one with him, several weeks ago. That Frannie was now sleeping in an other room was a welcome change of the plan. As much as she had enjoyed the day as part of a large family and loved watching the growing bond between her daughter and Quinn - now she was longing for some time with him alone and glad that her wish was granted in an unexpected way. She had seen him watching her while she had been playing with Frannie. He had been unaware of her gaze and she had seen so much love and so much longing in his eyes that she'd been thinking ever since what she could do for him to give him at least something tonight. He was so much better so maybe she could...

Well, she needed to wash away the sand anyway so...two birds, one stone...

He came back when she just stepped out of her dress and was just about to undress from her underwear. He had entered the room silently, she always wondered how he did this, it had happened several times yet, suddenly she saw him in the steamed up mirror behind her. She raised her hand to wipe across the mist and saw his eyes searching hers in the mirror before she smiled, turned around and started to undress him.

-Wanna join me?

-If you want that.

-I'd like that a lot.

Why not, he thought, briefly remembering there last bath together, the evening when he had tried to make her talk about what fantasies she had. They were much better now at talking. And now, finally, the doing would start.

Action speaks louder than words.

She sighed when she lowered herself into the warm water and leaned back while his arms came around and he rested his hands on her knees. She wound one of her arms around his, her hand loosely resting on his elbow, her thumb drawing slow circles there.

-That was a beautiful day, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-Did Frannie settle in well? I wonder how she'll like it?

-She was very pleased with the prospect of watching that movie.

-Frozen? Yeah, it's a big thing at school. All the girls are crazy about it. I'm glad the weekend is fun for her too.

Her head came back to rest on his shoulder and the view he had over her shoulder was irresistable. He withdrew one hand from her knees and trailed with the tips of his fingers along her thigh, under the waterline, along her hipbone and up her tummy until he was there and softly caressed the side of her breast.

Surprinsingly she did not protest or ask about his health status but wiggled a bit to adjust her position to an angel which allowed her to kiss the corner of his mouth and his neck.

He had waited all day to be alone with her and now it was just time to tell her. His hands came both up and softly cupped her breasts, like he had caressed her during their last bath together, his palms around the perfect roundness and his thumbs grazing her nipples every now and then.

You only get one first time and after weeks and months of being patient he had no intention to hurry now. So while gently caressing her breasts and enjoying her soft moans, his lips searched her ear, nuzzling the soft skin under her earlobe on his way.

-I am cleared. We could...if you want that...tonight...now...

His voice was low and hoarse, more than a year after Berlin, a year in different clinics, a year she'd been with him, never had left him, had loved him through all of it. She didn't say anything at first, just put one of her hands on his and searched for his mouth with hers. Then she turned around, slick in the warm water, closed her legs around his waist and made eyecontact, her arms around his neck. Not for the first time he noticed how one of his hands was nearly wide enough to cover her whole back. She was so petite, and yet the strongest person he'd ever met. Seeing his own love and longing reflected in those big blue eyes always amazed him.

She bent slightly forward to kiss him, soft and featherlike in the beginning, but soon deeper, but still without any urgency. It had been so long and now as they knew it would be tonight there was no need to rush.

She didn't say anything but there was no need for words right now.

While she kissed him and slowly invaded his mouth with her lips and tongue her hands slid down along his shoulders under the water surface and came to rest in his hips. She pulled herself closer, dangerously close actually, but didn't break the kiss. His hands were still spread out across her back and he held her close, pressing her against his body.

He briefly thought about giving it a try right here and now when she slowly pulled back a bit, searching his eyes with hers.

-Since when do you know?

-Yesterday.

-Why didn't you tell me?

-I didn't want you to think about that we maybe could not because Frannie is around.

-But she's not. So you wouldn't have said anything if she'd preferred to sleep here?

-Yeah. We waited for so long, a week more or less....

-Hey, she cupped his chin with her hand, her thumb tracing his lower lip, I don't wanna wait anymore. I don't want you to wait anymore. C'mere.

She kissed him again and just when he was about to deepen that kiss, she paused, her lips still on his but completely still.

Her voice was a soft whisper.

-Come with me. I'll make it your worthwhile.

And she did. It was a warm night, still not dark outside, so she walked out of the bathroom naked, laying down on the bed and watching him expectantly. He allowed himself to pause for a moment in the open door to take her in. Her lightly tanned skin on the white sheets, the soft curves, her flat tummy and narrow waist...she would be his now, finally.

He laid down next to her, his warm hand covering her waist, caressing her side, but she gently pushed him away and brought herself up to straddle him. Then she bent down and kissed him, and he was pretty sure that the way how her slit just very elusive had made contact with the tip of his hardon was not just a coincidence.

She kissed his mouth and then left a trail of soft kisses along his jawline on her way to his ear.

-What do you want? You waited for so long. Tonight, I'm all yours. Just tell me what you want. And I'll do it. Or let me surprise you. Cause I want you, Quinn, I want to be with you, I want to touch, feel and taste you, I want you inside me, I want to make you come, I want you. You have no idea how much I want to be with you.

That was wrong. He had an idea, his own want being a pretty good reference. And if not, the way how she wrapped herself around him and pressed herself against him right now gave him pretty much of an idea.

So he tried to hold her in place, to pull her down, get a bit more friction, kiss her deeper, but she scooted away from him, smiling down at him, gingerly placing both her hands on his chest.

-No hurry, Quinn, no hurry, it's my turn to offer amends.

And with that she lowered down and started to explore his body, like so many times before and yet so different as there were finally no more restrictions. He gasped in appreciation when her mouth, wet and open and hot, came down on his chest, first leaving a trail of open mouth-kisses until her lips grazed one of his nipples, sucking softly first, then swirling her tongue around. He brought his hand up to her nape, making a half-hearted attempt to hold her there, but she slipped away, further down, her body hot on his, her tongue circling around his navel when she closed her small fist around him. And he surrendered to her. She would bring him there now, with her hands and her mouth, would carress, kiss and suck him and he couldn't remember a single day in his life where he wanted anything so badly like her right now.

Her hand was still surrounding his cock but yet perfectly still while her mouth and tongue were slowly travelling his lower abdomen. He felt and tasted every bit so good. She wouldn't make him beg, not tonight, he had waited the longest time and she was determined to give him a first time to remember, to make him feel how much it meant to her too, to finally be allowed to give him pleasure and release. She'd give herself to him, soon, but first and foremost this would be about him. And she was craving for seeing and feeling him unravelling.

So she slowly started to move her hand up and down, fist closed tight, her other hand wandering deeper to cup and massage his balls, one finger softly pressing on his perineum. He arched against her, letting a deep moan, instantly lost in bliss, hearing her whispers somehow distant and veiled.

-Don't try to hold back and make it last, Quinn. Just give in. You can have me any time from now on. Just give in...we can do it again, tonight or tomorrow or whenever we want.

All he could do was moaning her name, urging for more of her and for the pleasure she gave him.

-We'll do it again tonight. But this one's only for you. You go first.

And she didn't make him wait. He squirmed when he felt her mouth replacing her hand around his cock, wet and tight, slowly taking him in full length, engulfing him while her other hand was still caressing his balls.

His hands came up, cupping her cheek for a second on its way, a thumb brushing over her cheekbone with stunning beautiful tenderness, before entangling in her hair, gently helping her to build the rhythm and pressure he liked. They went for slow and deep, her tongue swirling around the tip each time before taking him all in again. She enjoyed hearing his deep vibrating groans, how she finally could do this for him, and to feel him panting, enjoying how much it aroused her.

His orgasm built up slowly and intense and yet his release crashed through him by surprise when she again applied soft throbbing pressure on his perineum while adding some grazing teeth do his cock. His body bucked and surged against her as he felt the waves rushing through him, her name the only connection to consiousness and reality. She didn't let go of him, kept stimulating him, slowly and irregular now, swallowing his warmth, as long as he was still hazed out, enjoying the frenzy she was giving him.

He was covered with a sheen of sweat and felt a pleasurable limbness and a sense of contentment he hadn't known before.

-Oh my god, Carrie...Carrie...c'mere...

He wrapped her up in a tight embrace, seaching her mouth for a kiss, hoping it would convey at least a bit of what he felt and hoped and wanted for them, for her.

-Shshsh, don't speak now, it's okay, just feel...I'm here...not going anywhere...just wanna be with you...love you...make love to you...

They laid still, enjoying his afterglow, she was sprawled out on his chest, his arms around her and she buried her face in the crook between his shoulder and neck, feeling his pulse in his carotid artery under her cheek. It beat fast but finally he was okay, no more fears and worries, she wouldn't loose him. He felt her warm breath dampen his skin. All those years, the pain, fear, loneliness...finally just erased and vanished.

She raised her head and wiggled a bit upwards and smiled down at him.

-So you're fine? No stroke in sight?

-Dunno. You tell me. Cause I feel pretty fucking good.

He felt her laughing on his chest.

-I bet you do.

The room laid in twilight, the last daylight casting a warm glow, and Carrie in all naked beauty, mussed up hair, soft skin, beautiful smile, pressed against his body, was all his - what was there not to feel good about?

-I love you, Carrie. I don't say it often enough and it feels not sufficient to describe what...but I do love you. 

She couldn't exactly see his eyes in the now darkening room but she was pretty sure she saw a telltale glitter. So she slid next to him and hold him close.

-I know, Quinn. You are not the one here who has to prove anything. Let's put this behind us, I'll never run away again, I promise. And you don't need to say it, I know. I know now. And that feels fucking good too.

He kissed her again and knew she felt the same deep, intense want as he did. The pleasure and bliss she'd given him didn't wear off but he wanted more now, and he needed to be inside her now. But he still held back and turned her on her back to get access to her body, to carress and fondle every inch of her skin, knowing by now what she liked, how he could arouse her and give her pleasure. That he still could do. And it was all he wanted for tonight. Not more, not less.

He took his sweet time, wanted to make it last and memorize each moment, each sigh and every kiss. So it was long after their last spoken word that he brought himself up on his arms and pinned her between his elbows. He'd been pondering a lot about how much he trusted his right arm but it felt good and this was how he wanted her, covered with his body, beneath him, delirious and breathless and so beautiful with her swollen lips, damp hair, shiny skin and wide eyes. 

He hold her gaze as he slowly entered her. Her passage was wet and slick and as he pressed deeper he felt how she was giving in and letting go, her innermost boundaries shattered. It started as a slow raise and fall, long strokes back and force, they never lost each other's gaze in the dim room, building pace and rhythm and enjoying their deep and wordless connection.

He didn't boost the restrained pace until he felt her squirming, her hips trying to raise and her muscles beginning to tighten around his shaft, irregular at first.

-Quinn...please...Quinn...

He brought her there with a couple fast and deep thrusts while she clinged to his shoulders and moaned his name and a few more things and he swore to himself he'd make her repeat these when decended again. When she bucked and her hips surged, he was there too, watching her head falling back, hearing her and a few more strokes brought on another wave of his intense orgasm. He felt himself exploding into her, wave after wave, saw her opening her eyes and staring right into his, felt her arms around his shoulder and her body quivering beneath him, his hearing had sat out, he just heard his own pulse as a white noise and felt everything at once, images rushing elusivly through his brain, but they didn't stick, how he first met her, how he held her in his arms a few times, outside the mill, Islamabad, outside the church, the night of the wake, their first kiss, Berlin, her face on the other side of the glass, waking up, seeing her, feeling her, her hand holding his, he's crying in her arms, their second kiss, all those good things since then, Carrie smiling, Carrie at the beach, Carrie sleeping in his arms, all on fast forward, all those years and now he was finally with her, it's almost too much to feel and convey and process, but it was good, so fucking good. Oh Carrie, so good.

Next thing he knew was he laid on his back, Carrie snuggled in his side, very close, he felt her breathing in his ear.

-God, Carrie, don't tell me I blacked out.

-No. But you got such a dreamy, faraway expression that I felt it might be more secure to bring you stable on your back.

-Oh my god. Carrie, I...

She came up on one elbow, smiling, and she was so beautiful and he was so in love, it was almost ridiculous. And felt so good. So very good.

-Hey...that was...incredibly wonderful...no need to be embarrassed...I kind of lost it too. Just hold me now, will you?

That he could do. Holding Carrie through their post-coital glow, still feeling surges of pleasure flowing through his body. And through hers probably too.

They didn't speak anymore. It took them a long and peaceful time before they drifted into a dreamless sleep, just laying there, wrapped around each other, hearing and feeling the other's breathing and heartbeat, lazily caressing backs and shoulders, searching each other for kisses, soft and deep, and holding on tight, very tight.

 

Frannie's swimsuit: http://www.snapperrock.com/shop/GIRLS/New+Arrivals/Sea+Turtle+Swimsuit.html

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter's coming.
> 
> As always, I'll appreciate your comments.


	9. Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

He woke up slowly, some minor discomfort growing into real actual nagging pain, invading his conciousness. And then there was something else, a warm body pressed against his, a small hand loosly on his chest, Carrie's warm breathing close to his ear.

That was good. Very good.

Of course he had not taken his fucking meds last night.

He was just about to disentangle his legs from Carrie's as he saw the door opening slowly and then Frannie peaking into the room. Well, some kind of pants might serve well now...but his jeans were in a heap on the bathroom floor and his pj bottoms never made it out of his bag last night. Difficult. And naked sleeping Carrie was no help. And his hand was really giving him a hard time.

-Come in, sweat pea. What is it? Did you sleep well?

She tiptoed closer and sat on the edge on his side of the bed to whisper in his ear.

-I'm hungry. Uncle Jim said we can go downstairs and have breakfast and go to the beach then. But I need to dress first. And brush my teeth.

-Yeah, uhm, well...why don't you go brush your teeth and I'll look for your clothes?

She left the bathroom door ajar but that had to do. As soon as he heard the water running he crawled out of the bed and got himself covered up in pj pants and a shirt, before he helped Frannie to get dressed.

-Peter, are you still sick?

-Not too bad, sweetie, I am much better now, why would you ask such thing?

-Uncle Jim said you need more rest and told me to let you and mummy sleep.

-You know, your mummy often has to get up so early, so that's why we should let her sleep a bit longer. 

-You can cuddle her bit more. She likes Sunday morning snuggling. But I'm not here now so you have to do it.

Yeah, hardship, he thought, smiling down at the little creature.

-You go and play and I'll make sure your mummy's fine, uhm? I'll see you in a bit, ok?

-Uncle Jim said we'll meet you for lunch at the fish shop.

And with that she tiptoed out of the room again.

He grabbed his painkillers and washed them down with a cup of water, and then slowly shuffled back to the bed, hoping to drift off once more as soon as the painkillers kicked in. Carrie hadn't stirred, so he paused for just a second, then decided to get rid of his pj's again and crawled back into bed. 

He laid flat on his back, waiting for his meds to kick in, listening to her breathing and the distant sounds of the waves and the awakening house. Some wooden floors cracking, children's voices and laughter, Jim's warm bariton gently scolding them to be more quiet, an army of small feet running downstairs and then silence again. He felt how he was drifting off, how his arm stopped thobbing and aching, how Carrie stirred a bit, and thought how he never had a morning like this ever before. He turned and spooned Carrie, heard her small sigh and was back to sound sleep again.

Next time he woke up he found himself pressed against Carrie's back, she was so close and very warm, she let a soft moan and pressed her butt against his cock, and his left hand was around her breast and the other hand somewhere around her tummy cleary heading south, and he felt jolts of pleasure crawling up his spine when she wiggled her butt against his hardon and wasn't that a nice way to wake up?

Her voice was still sleepy.

-Quinn...we shouldn't...you shouldn't...can't be forever now...

He chuckled. She really was still sleepy.

-Carrie, that was before yesterday...we can...and we did...

-Ooh..yeah...I...

He felt how she was shifting her leg a bit and slid his hand further down. He hadn't opened his eyes yet and didn't intend too, this twilight state somewhere between sleep and awake, and Carrie in his arms...this was going to be the best Sunday morning in history.

-And Frannie?

Her voice was still a sleepy mumbling.

-At the beach. With Jim and the other girls. 's just you and me.

He kissed and nuzzled her neck and found himself already wanting her so much and her reaction was promising as she moaned, clenched her hand around his and pulled him with her to lay on top of her back as she rolled onto her belly.

He entered her slowly and it was sleepy, slow and gentle, she squirmed and moaned beneath him while he kissed her neck and her ear and slowly went back and forth, keeping himself at a restrained pace to make it last long.

He felt her hand slipping under his hand, her other hand came up around his nape, holding on tight, she canted her hips back and forth to meet his strokes and it was better than all his dreams and fantasies and previous experiences.

He had had no idea how it would feel, to make love to her on a Sunday morning, after sleeping in, before really waking up, meeting in a dreamlike state and he knew he was an addict now, never wanting to give that up ever again. And how could he have imagined this? How could he had imagined that his heart and soul would be nearly break in two halves from all the love and tenderness he felt? How could he anticipate how much she apparently liked this position, how she surrendered to him, how she moaned and panted and her breathing got ragged? How could he expect her body to be so soft and pliant and her passage to be so wet and tight that it took him all he had to keep that indolent pace and not to slam himself into her?

So it was a slow dance, he was leading, she was following, wordless and deep, a bond they had created for years, fruition of the longest and most painful time of yearning and seperation one can possibly go through.

They went over the brink together and his hand came up to stiffle the crazy noises she made, while he himself buried his mouth at the crook of her neck to gag himself. 

It was intense.

He managed to fall to her side and not to crash into her back and pulled her with him, spooning her again, his cock still buried inside her, twitching, as the surges of pleasure slowly tappered off.

It was quite a while after when she finally turned around and smiled at him, beautiful and open, while winding her arms around him in a loose embrace.

-Hey.

-Good morning.

-That is indeed a good morning.

-Did you sleep well?

-I did. You?

-Think so. I dreamt about making love to you in the morning, right after waking up, or kind of even before really waking up and that was so good...

Her smile got broader and he decided here and now how it was worth every lame joke in the world to make her smile so happy.

He pulled her close to his chest, holding her tight, the way she liked best. 

-I wish I could just stay here. Or take you home with us today.

-I know. Me too. But it won't be long now.

-What do you wanna do then?

-More of what we just had. Oh, wait, that's not what you were asking, right?

She pinched his ass for teasing, so she was serious about talking now.  
Maybe it was really time to start some planning.

-I guess I need to see Dar at some point about that. But if you're ok with that, I don't want to rush my return to the workforce. I have money enough and the agency still pays all medical bills, so...

-Quinn. You're not really thinking that I think you should provide income, do you?

He was glad he had her so close otherwise she'd probably slap him, given her indignant tone.

-No. I didn't think so. But as you paid for everything I needed during the last year I just wanted to make sure you know that I can pay for my clothes myself. You can still pick them if you like doing that.

Good. She was laughing again.

-It's not that hard. Blue, brown, grey. Oh, and black. How could I forget black?

-You could have smuggled other colours in.

-I did. Light blue. Although when I went and got you the button downs a few weeks ago, I had Frannie with me and her choice was black with pink roses. I tried to bribe her away with icecream because I was so sure you'd wear it just to please her and it will make my eyes bleed. You'll look like some late eighties' geek.

-I wouldn't mind to make some fun to please her, that's true. Although that shirt indeed sounds like a major mishap.

-Well, soon enough you can take her along for shopping yourself. But, we bought it. She insisted. And I was to tired for a fight. So it's at home, waiting for you.

-Lovely. Sounds wonderful. You know I'll wear it, do you?

-Yeah, somehow I expected that. Frannie will be delighed. And I...well, let's say, I'll wear sunglasses.

-I wanted to ask you something. It's about Frannie too. It'll take me some time to figure out what work I want and still can do and I'll still have a lot of mornings with therapy. So bottomline is, I think I'll be home another six months and I thought if I relearn to drive I could spend the afternoons with Frannie. Wearing my new shirt. Giving you some space for work and saving your sister's patience for a day when we really need it. You think that would be ok for Frannie? And you, of course? I could wear that shirt while you are at work.

She squeezed him tightly. He was really coming home soon, they had just started actual real life planning.

-Frannie would love that. And me too. If you really want that. It will be boring at times. Staying at home can be boring.

-I know and I do. I've been living in hospitals for over a year now, I'm craving for being...home. Doing boring domestic stuff. With you. And Frannie. I have no idea if I'll be good at it but I'd like to try.

-Oh, I guess you'll be better at it as I am. Frannie prefers your cooking way over mine.

-Is she? She never said so.

-She's sparing her mum's feelings. But she told Maggie. Who told me. With great delight.

-You have other qualities.

-Have I?

He pulled back a bit to kiss her.

-You have, Carrie, you have. Start with loving me back to sanity and go on with blowing my mind just half an hour ago, to name just two. 

-That's kind of an impressive array of specialities.

-See. And I wouldn't wanna change you.

That was a beautiful thing to hear. And in a way much more precious to her as the 'I love you' he said every now and then. Because she knew that. But even with being stable for so long now she still feared her condition and what it occasionally did to her and knowing that he accepted her like he always had, just the whole package, condition and Frannie and everything, was the greatest gift she'd ever received. And she was finally able to accept it, at the brink of sharing a real life with him, not just some hours every week. Just a few more weeks. Somehow, after those hospital rooms had been there only reality for endless weekd and months, the prospect of him coming home so soon made her itch with impatience.

-It'll be hard to leave tonight. But how about I come back Wednesday? I need to leave early on Thursday though, I have a meeting at nine.

He sighed as he was pretty sure she wouldn't like what he was going to say.

-Carrie, I don't want you to come on Wednesday. No, no, hear me out. I'll start the dopamin on Monday and there is a small risk of side effects so I can't leave the clinic for a few days. And it is too much for you. All that driving, always juggling work and Frannie...and me...

-But I want to come. Don't you...

He was glad he had her still tightly wrapped in an embrace.

-Hey. Carrie. I do. You know I do. But we are not going back to winter where you had to come just to hold my hand and keep me from doing something really stupid. I'll be in no good place this week, but the people here will take care of me, and you need a break. Don't hurry here just for an hour or two, spend the time with Frannie, sleep a bit more, whatever. I'll call you every day, ok? Hey, ok?

He couldn't see her face, she had buried it against his chest.

-Carrie...And it's time that I start to take some care for you, after you took care for me for so long now. I don't want you to drive four hours to see me just for an hour.

He gently stroked her back.

-What side effects?

There was no point in lying when she'd google it herself anyway.

-Dizzyness, nausea, fatigue, uhm, maybe, respiratory depression. We'll start with a low dose.

He still held her close to his chest, soothing her back and arms. He knew how this was kind of a hard jump back to reality after the morning's beautiful start.

-So they'll monitor you closely? Because of the respiratory depression?

-The slight risk of it. Yes.

-And you think telling me about the side effects raises the chances for me staying away?

-No. And I would want to see you. But it would be brief and in the hospital and I want you to have some down-time as well. You're always so tired when you arrive here.

-But I'm much better when I leave from here.

He pulled her up to face him. 

-Carrie, it's just a few more weeks, uhm? This is the last fucking thing I have to take care of and then I'm done here.

-So, this is not about you not wanting me to see you ...dunno...weak?

He couldn't help it but chuckled.

-Carrie, most of my performance of the last 15 months has been displaying weakness. I was the breathing definition of weakness. I'm no fan of that, no. But I'm more or less used to it by now.

That wasn't the full truth. If the Dopamin was messing up his brains for a few days he didn't mind Carrie NOT witnessing this. And after all those weekends out of the clinic he'd found it hard to go back to just being allowed to seeing her in the ward.

-So I guess it's not sure then if I'll gonna see you next weekend?

-I wouldn't count on it, no.

And this was too much, now she was about to start to cry. And he got it. It was difficult, especially now as they just had started to plan real life. 

And a tiny voice kept telling him that it was really nice to be needed and wanted but he shut that up.

-C'mere. Shsh. I know. I know. I'm sick of it too. I know.

-I just want you to come home. I don't want to be alone anymore.

-You aren't. But I know. But we came this far. Just a few more weeks, okay? But you need to take care for yourself too. Not just for me. Next weekend you'll spend with Frannie. Maybe you both sleep at your sister's and your nieces volunteer for a morning shift so you can sleep in a bit. How does that sound?

She didn't answer so he just held her close, caressing her back.

-Let's just tackle this day by day, uhm? I start those fucking pills on Monday and then we'll see what happens. But if there's a chance to get rid of the tremor and motor blocks I'd really like to give it a try.

-I know. I just think I should be with you then.

-Carrie...

But he didn't finish the sentence. Why should he complain that she cared? She wanted to be with him when he was going through a difficult week, what was wrong with that?

-How do you feel about breakfast?

-When do we see Frannie?

-Lunchtime. Which is a good three hours from now.

-Breakfast then. And coffee.

He was about to get up when she hold him back.

-I can go.

-No. That'll be the day. Today it's your turn for breakfast in bed. You don't move an inch. And I'd like you not to get dressed.

And with that he kissed her and got up. She laughed and sank back into the pillows, watching him as he crossed the room to find his clothes.

It took him three walks up and down the stairs until he had gathered everything upstairs but his hand had been cooperating well and the coffee was still in the mugs and what more could he have asked for.

They indeed had breakfast in bed, he had kicked his pants and shirt away before he climbed back in, and they both new what would follow afterwards and that was new and exciting and just a matter of time until it happened. 

And to his delight she gave him the perfect opportunity when a dollop of honey trickled from her last bite of croissant and landed on her cleavage.

He caught her hand when she was about to wipe it off, holding her gaze for a second as she smiled at him, exactly aware of what would happen now, they both had to grin, and then he leant in and licked it away. And just didn't stop but went on and it was every bit as good as the morning had started.

She was on top this time and alone the view was spectacular, he thought. He marveled her curves and was amazed by how he could grasp her complete waist with both hands and found it utterly arousing how he could lift her up and down, she was so small. She softly rocked and shimmied her hips and smiled down at him, enjoying what she could do with him. And when she sensed he was close she bent down and kissed him, very soft and elusive at first, but he felt her deepening the kiss, lingering and passionate now, when he brought up a hand between them, a thumb to her center and stroked her clit in small circles to bring her off too.

She stayed where she was afterwards, on his chest, cradled in his arms.

-You have a handy size, he whispered in her ear. I like that. 

He felt one of her hands trailing down to his ass and pinching him.

-I'm no parcel. But...I liked that too...

-I often thought about this. All of it. But you being on top and you on your belly were two of my favourites.

She rolled to his side, facing him. He was pretty sure he saw a faint pink blush.

-You can tell me what you like, okay? It's just a few more days, Carrie, and then we'll have all the time in the world to try whatever we want, uhm?

She smiled.

-I'll get used to it. But for the first fifteen hours of you being cleared I'm very content.

\-------------------------------------------

They got up a bit later and had a shower together, deciding that this here would be most of there good-bye for today as Frannie and the other would be around later. Carrie packed while he settled the bills and a while later they were strolling along the habour.

Jim spotted them from the terrace of the fish restaurant and squeezed Patty's hand, indicating to have a look to the other side of the harbour bassin. Patty cast a look and smiled back at him. 

-See...your assignment as fairy godmother finally paid off.

-Think so?

-Oh, Jim, just look how they glow...and he's holding her so tight...

-Nah, that's just because his leg's still cramping. And he probably refused to take his muscle relaxant again as it makes him sleepy.

-You see what you see and I see what I see.

-Who's glowing?

-Uhm, Frannie, the sun, the sun's glowing, my dear. Oh, see, your mum and Peter are finally awake.

\------------------------------------------------

Too soon it was time for good-byes. But they agreed on meeting for another beach weekend three weeks later. 

Jim and his family left a bit earlier, not without Jim hugging Carrie and whispering in her ear that he'd call her in case of any problems within the next week.

Quinn had promised Frannie icecream and so they went for a short beachwalk and took Frannie's sand toys and a blanket along. Frannie napped at the beach after they had built a huge sand castle while he and Carrie just laid on the blanket and listened to the waves.

They stayed much longer as they had planned but finally it was time to leave. 

Frannie gave Paddy back to Quinn before she climbed back into the car at the clinic.

-Thanks, sweat pea. I won't be home next weekend. So it's you who'll have to make sure your mum gets enough cuddlies, okay?

-Yeah. Maybe I'll sleep in your bed this week, then nobody's alone. You have Paddy and I have mummy. You can keep Hugo this time too. But next time your home we'll go and visit the turtles, promise?

-Promise.

He turned to Carrie but she shook her head. He knew it was difficult for her so he just cupped her cheek, kissed her forehead and left. They had had plenty of great goid-byes today.

When he unpacked his bag he found a travel guide book on top of his clothes - Florence & Tuscany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story of this weekend is told but there will be more of this series. One more weekend at least.
> 
> Thanks for all the lovely comments I got for this AU - it's a great and warm and comforting place to be :-)


End file.
